about a year ago my parents divorced.and somehow by just that one terrible thing that happened in my life,it ruined me.i cry every night thinking about how much i hate my life.can you belive it one thing that happened turned my whole life around and completly ruined it.trust me every single person i meet treats me like crap and they know what im going through.i thought at first that i would be fine and ill be over the divorce in a couple days but no.its been a year and my life just gets worse and worse.my father is a wreck and a person i no longer want to be around.my father has done terrible things that i couldnt possibly belive. what the worst thing is is that im only 11 years old and this is how my life is.sometimes i get stressed, depressed, sad, mad etc. that i want to litirally want to kill myself. i just wish my life didnt turn out this way. and my sister is such a wreck too.my parents even my dad said i was to have no contact with her but i created a facebook just to stay in contact with her without my mom knowing, and yes i do agree shes messed up but i love her so much.right now im crying my eyes out.yeah try living a life like me without wanting to kill yourself every second of everyday. | |
your right though it does get better after a while .but the second it happens it burns like hell.
i hate my life but if i tell my parents then they might put me in therapy. so i dont know what to tell them.
kids at school treat me like a pile of shit. "Ewww dont go near her!!"
Every night i cry too praying and wishing that my life would get better.but it hasn't.
i dont want to spend my life like this.
I encourage you to seek help; clearly you feel you have nobody in your day-to-day life to whom you feel you can turn for help. If your school has a counsellor, seek him or her out as soon as you can. Just having somebody physically there for you to talk to will likely be an immense source of relief.
My best friend's older brother committed suicide several years back, and the effects rippled throughout the community. However small and horribly insignificant we may feel in our dark times, it is important never to loose sight that our lives touch many others; though we may not see it at the moment.
I don't know what your sister's situation is, nor why your parents have forbade you having contact with her. For my quarter, as long as maintaining contact with your sister is something that's genuinely uplifing and supportive for the BOTH of you, by all means do so. However, if it leaves EITHER of you feeling worse than before, you really should at least cut back on contact until you can both be a positive influence on each other's lives. Otherwise, you may very likely wind up dragging each other further down; I know you don't want that, and ultimately, you'll both be grateful to have had the time apart you needed.
Your father - as you said - is depressed by the situation, and depression can affect people in many diffent and often ugly ways. Do what you can do encourage anything positive he does, discourage anything negative he does (which may mean ignoring it); but no matter what, make sure that whatever you do, it's making things better for you; not worse.
It's hard now, and it may get harder before it gets easier; but take heart, keep your chin up, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. You may stumble. I know I do -- a lot. Take a moment to catch your breath, and get on up again. You can do it. You're worth it. You deserve a better life, and with perseverance, you will find a you that you love, and create that better life for yourself.
Peace, love, understanding, and prayers. I'll leave you with one that I've found helpful. (If you're not down with a Judeo-Christian conception of God, that's fine -- it's just a shorthand for whatever higher power you may believe in.)
God, grant me the
Serenity, to accept the things I cannot change; the
Courage, to change the things I can; and the
Wisdom to know the difference.
Take care, kiddo.
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