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Social Failure

Posted by Katrina at March 13, 2011
Tags: Attitude  Loneliness  2011 March

Through out school I was never accepted I was teased so badly I devoloped a fear of people. When I am around people I get nervous and talk alot always managing to say something stupid. I am very intellegent but people treated me so badly in school I became a truent. I went to collage where I devolped a drinking habit to deal with the fact that once again no one liked me and I was center of many jokes I was invited to only one party where they slipped me a roofie in my drink and raped me in the livingroom on video tape and everyone laughed about it and I made such a joke of. I moved to New York city where no one would know me.
I am quite attractive so I have quickly nesseled into a social exsistance. I was hired to do modeling and made a living for myself promoting at bars vodka and beer labels. Now at 30 I am on so VIP lists at treandy nightclubs I no longer model but I bartend at private parties. I get fired from many jobs because I suffer from so much insecurity that when my employers give me ridicule I just cry and fall to pieces and can no longer function. I work now for private parties because there I dont have to deal with a boss or co-workers.
In the community people might think i am popular because everyone says hello and remembers my name but that is only because they talk shit about me behind my back. I am 30 years old I am invited to differant parties every weekend alot men get my number and call me but no one has dated me for longer than three months except one man that later physically and sexually abused me. When I went to the hospital for an entire month not one person came to visit me. I have never been invited to a wedding or bridal shower nor baby shower, brisk or anything. Never been invited to a holiday dinner all the guys that take me to dinner end with asking me if I any girlfriends I can introduce them to because it is not going to work between us and I tell honestly no I don't. I do have 3 friends one woman old enough to be my mother one girl my age in Colorado and another another social misfit in her late 40's.
Worst thing is I am pretty and invited to come free to all the night clubs with free drinks people cheer me on when they see me dance because I am a good dancer and I hear around town people say how popular I am but for five years I hav never had anyone who is on my phone list which exceeds 200 people and every New Year and every birthday I spend it with strangers.
People dont like me because I cry alot when I am sober and I drink when I am happy I wouldn't hav to cry so much if I had someone to share a laugh.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
failure November 8, 2011
Dunk November 3, 2011
Total Failure March 3, 2012
Ultimate Loner/Loser Girl March 26, 2012
untitled story July 14, 2011



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 20,Mar,11 14:15

well hey i get treated bad in high school to i have sa disorder.people think im wierd , a coward,stupid or whatever so my life sucks to
By anonymous at 09,May,11 16:09

me to.


By anonymous at 25,Mar,11 10:50

U almost have got the same problem as me. I am a 16 yeAr old young man-


By anonymous at 25,Mar,11 21:52

The only answer there is for you is Jesus Christ. He aint no fantasy as much as it seems to be that way. email me yanconeb@yahoo.com


By anonymous at 26,Mar,11 00:16

there are problems beyond our control like disability and then there are problems we create by self belief. i was married for 3 years , got married at 23. recently my wife dumped me because she doesn't like the 'married life'. god only knows why we just cant find the right people almost everyone. Frankly the guys at the night club have a image of you which doesn't allow them to consider the possibility that there is more to you than meets the eye. i am going through a similar phase of loneliness for very different reasons. my family didn't agree to our marriage and she misbehaved with them. so they talk to me with obvious vindication so ultimately i have no one to talk to. mail me at dhruv.cairae@gmail.com it may be nice to talk. i live 8,000 miles away


By anonymous at 26,Mar,11 22:21

You went to college, and can't even spell "college"?
By anonymous at 28,Mar,11 21:04

LMFAO !


By anonymous at 28,Mar,11 07:17

How about a ugly 27 year old with a phone with only 5 contact list and spended every birthday, Christmas and new years alone with nobody. That's me. So don't feel bad.
By anonymous at 01,Apr,11 07:51

sorry to hear that :(


By anonymous at 29,Mar,11 05:26

so basically i'm a 18 yo male who has no friends at all (u should probably thank god u have a couple), no phone contacts at all (besides the 5 phone numbers of my familly), I think i'm gay cause I dream of dirty male on male actions, which I totally hate, but isn't on my power to stop, I never masturbated and I'm a virgin cause i'm ugly, I dream of girls too, so i'm totally abnormal, and it's beginnin to mess with my head, I don't have money to see a psycho., and I can't afford payin for my school anymore, I've been bullyin on in school, and I decided lately to end my life, but I'm too coward to do it, I've had enough of this, and I think I shouldn't just exist, and actually i'm lookin for a "painless way" to end my life cause mine sux, and sux like for realz, so u probably should thank god and move on... Somethin I can never do cause I'm a silly gay coward, stupid, ugly and becomin fat, but i'm not goin to wait till I get like totally fat, I never go out, cause i'm socio anxious, I need treatment or else i'm goin to die, but even if I did, nobody cares, My parents hate me, my familly hate me cause I don't spend too much time with them, they don't even know who i am, so... I think it's just one ADDITIONAL being on this planet it should get rid of... Seyou all in hell
By anonymous at 02,Apr,11 17:25

:(

I really do hope your next life is a happier one :/

go without pain.


By sid at 29,Mar,11 21:49

hey don't worry.all u need is a proper man who will respect u.

:)


By creer maillot de foot at 02,Jan,13 20:11

I am so grateful for your article. Much obliged.


By Sunny-P.myopenid.com at 22,Apr,13 19:04

Hey ,, I can understand, I am also almost 30 , It sucks when you know you are alone but still cannot do anything about it , as you cannot run around people and convince them about such things , companionship cannot be begged ..

But there are positives , as you said yourself that you are pretty ,, :) ...Having online friends are not that bad also , sometimes they do meet in real life . ..

Best of luck
Rishabh
rishabh1287@hotmail.com


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