For four ears, now, I have been going to university away from home. Four years my parents have paid my way through. I've been studying business with a specialization in accounting. First year was a breeze, I did virtually no work, and still pulled off a 3.9 GPA. Second year got a little harder, but I still did the bare minimum and kept my GPA above a 3.0. Anytime I spoke to my parents, if they asked how school was going, I would lie and tell them it was all good and I was doing well.
Third year rolled around, and things started getting hard. I failed one of my major courses first semester. My parents were unimpressed to say the least. Still, my approach never changed. Do the bare minimum. Retaking the course again this year, I failed again. My parents couldn't understand how I had failed, especially since I had told them I was doing well in the course during the semester. After having talked to the teacher and discovered the truth of my lies, they are furious. I've never seen them this angry. They say I betrayed them, that I wasted their money and my time, and that this behaviour was downright disrespectful.
I feel terrible about this. It was never my intention to fuck things up so royally. I don't know why I lied so much, why I couldn't tell them how things were really going, and that I probably needed help with this class. I dont know why, even after I had failed the class, I didnt just tell them everything, why they had to hear it from the teacher.
Now I feel like i've probably pushed them so far away theres no coming back. Sure they'll still love me, because theyre my parents, but I dont know if our relationship will ever be the same, if they will ever look at me and be happy that I am part of their lives ever again. I just fucked up so bad, and for no other reason than Im a lazy idiot who'd rather play video games or watch tv than put forth any real effort into my future.
Perhaps its simply because around third year i discovered I simply dont enjoy accounting anymore, but I was too afraid to tell them I was done with it and wanted to switch, so I just kept trudging along, hoping to get my degree and make them happy. but in the end, it all came back to bite me, and now I've probably estranged beyond repair two of the few people that love me. | |
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