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losing your mom sucks but it could be worse

Posted by anonymous at January 30, 2011
Tags: Death  Family  2011 January  Juvenile problems

So, I'm 15, a guy, home schooled all my life (i'm desperately behind, four years, i had a meltdown after my mom got diagnosed when i was 11, and didnt come back out of it til 13, but i didnt start trying to catch up til last summer), my mom has cancer, my dad works himself to death, my little brother whose 13 is estranged, we're trying to get rid of our house, my older siblings live across the country, so i never get to see them, most of the people i ever cared about are dead or removed from my life. i've recently accepted the fact that after doing everything we can for her, my mom's going to die, and i've always been extremely close to her. i dont think i've felt a real, positive emotion for the past month now. all i feel is apathy and hurt. its gotten so bad i feel physical pain from the hurt. im depressed as well. but i wouldnt try to kill myself. i already tried before, but the pistol jammed. the only good thing is i have a girlfriend who's crazy about me, and i'll admit i'm not all that stupid in spite of my grade. i'm not very attractive, i got most of my dad's rough features, bad acne, brown hair thats always plain. i'm socially awkward, in fact, i had to have special ed to learn how to speak properly, and at that it's still a challenge to complete a sentence. i'd give my life away if it'd mean my mom could get better. i could care less about anything material. i just want things back the way they were before she got sick.
oh, and i don't have very many friends, but i'm sure you expected that after hearing i was home schooled. in fact, i've been more or less rejected by three people who constituted, sadly, almost half of my friends. two of them wont talk to me and the third had broken my heart before, and i feel she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, not that i can really handle the pain of dealing with her right now.
not that i really actually care about any of that. i'd rather not have any friends right now. i just want to be with my mom while she's still here.
i really wish i could help her.
i just want to make it better
thats all i want

but it could be worse. i guess.
i could live in the ghetto, or never had a dad,
or a brother, or my brother couldve died when i was younger,
or my mom died giving birth to me,
or i couldnt walk, or was a druggie,
or my dad left us, or my mom died sooner,


Similar Entries:
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New Comment

By at 11,Apr,11 19:16

Life's a bummer ain't it ???
My mom died because of cancer two years ago..
My dad got remarried not seven months after she did..
Now I'm living in the middle of nowhere town with two mean stepbrothers and a heartless bitch for a stepmother...
And i wish i had somebody to love me for me ... to hold me ...
but i don't... apperantly I'm not lucky enough...

* * *

all I can say is ... spend all you can with your mom... when she finally goes .. you will be sad.. but at least you will have memories..
Ask her all the questions you want to know the answers to..
trust me ...

By anonymous at 20,Apr,11 22:38

i understand how you feel... im a girl a freshman in college now but i lost my mom when i was only one year old... and when i started getting older i didnt really understand. My dad and grandparents would take me to go visit her grave and when we got there i would run around looking for her because i thought she was there and then i would just cry hen i couldnt find her... ive grown up without a mom and im a girl... my mom died of cervical cancer so i understand... i miss my mom more and more every day and i envy people who have a mom.... i would just try and spend as much time as you can with her and cherish every minute because you never know when it will be her last day but dont think about that day just enjoy the time now... and get back to your school work its really important and you dont want to get behind... i always got through saying that my life could be worse...something worse could have happened...i was talking to my frind about one day when i was really upset about not having her and this is what he said to me i think it might help...
if you think about it everybody much someday pass so even though you dont ahve a mom now one day we all wont have moms and one day even you too shall pass. you shouldnt look at death as something to fear nor something to be sad about when it happens to a loved one... instead you should be happy for their life and happy their suffering is over...

this helped me a lot and i hope it helps you too. you cant be sad about this now because you want your last memories of your mom to be happy goood ones. just remember every 60 secinds you spend unhappy is one minute of happiness youll never get back... hope everything goes well and cheer up :]

By anonymous at 28,Jan,12 22:19

Im so sorry. Im 15 and my mom died on new years day or this year. Im living with my grandparents because my dad is never around and my step sister who im very close with is only 11 and she might have to go live with her dad making it very hard for me to see her. I couldnt even begin to imagine how hard it must be for you right now because you have so much more going on.

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