LIFE SUCKS

a rough patch to start, is it that bad?

I just need to vent here (sorry, English is not my first language).

I got raped when I was just 16, and having to live a traumatized childhood is already exhausting for me. In school, I didn't really have many friends so I spent my years eating alone in the canteen or inside the classroom.

Then I met this guy when I was 18, got pregnant and was looking forward to have a future with him. I wouldn't mind working my ass off to provide a better life for my new family. However, after three months, he told me he couldn't afford it hence; the abortion. Then a week later, he went off with another girl and I was left alone feeling guilty (due to the loss of the baby) and was crushed with fake hopes and promises. And it was very painful to do the abortion. He promised to NEVER leave me, but yes..he did.

Time passed, I began venturing into the modeling industry. Everything was great and after two years experience, I was offered the job as an Event Planner. Then, things got worse. I got accused for money swindling and having to mistreat the models. I didn't know what to do but I did try to explain to the Tourism Board and some sort of Government association..but to no avail. One of the girls wanted to sue me, I had to beg for a chance and finally, I got fired. Much worse, I got blacklisted in my country's Tourism Board; which means my name is pretty much ruined, I can't organize anymore events, can't attend any of them, can't invest, etc. The thing is, I had a partner..she is the one who did all these bad things but she got away with it. Such life.

Then, I met this guy..he was a friend and during the hard times, I confided in him..and we got together. Well, not for long. He treated me like shit after that; whenever we had an argument, he would demand for sex and fucked me til I bleed-ed. Sounds sickening right? If I refuse, I'd get beaten up. And finally I got pregnant again, he wasn't thrill about it..and not long after that, I had a miscarriage..and was rushed to a hospital. The doctor told me that the baby could be saved, so I was happy and called the guy. He told me he wouldn't want it, and he would leave me if I decide to keep the baby. Having the choices like that, I've decided to do abortion. Going through the same process, got inserted a killer vacuum that sucked everything in me, having to kill two amazing beautiful lives. I don't understand? I literally moved back to this hometown for him, quit my modeling life back then and was very ready to commit in this re/ship but how could he do this to me? He said good when the baby was killed and few days later, he dumped me. Great.

I know that there lives out there which are much worse than mine..but I have no one to turn to, no one to believe or to trust. I just want to vent here..however, I believe things will get back to normal..and the power is in my hands in order to re-arrange my life once again. Life will not just stop there.