I've read many of the posts here over quite a few months. On the majority of the posts, there's a common theme, "Someone or some thing has done ME wrong."
She left me, he doesn't love me, my boss doesn't treat me right, the world is not treating me right, I have no money, I have no love life. . . etc. What's the common theme or words, "Me" and "I".
What coincides with the whole "me" idea, is the assumption that the world is going to behave in a certain way and "conform" to your beliefs. A person has all these notions, concepts, beliefs and such, swirling around in their head. And when reality confronts us, we dig in our heels even more and say, "I want the world to be this way." Unfortunately, not only does the world not conform to our wishes, the time spent on gnashing your teeth trying to make it conform is seriously lost time. Time you will never get back. Of course it's not until most people are 70+ years old, that they finally have a concept of "limited" time. It would seem you could go on and on feeling bad about your situation.
I contend the world is not good nor bad. It's just a world of things happening all around us. Your viewpoint is what creates the feelings within you of good and bad. I once carried a digital voice recorder around with me for two weeks and recorded any and all thoughts that popped into my mind. Do you realize that the overwhelming majority of the self-talk was negative? "No you won't be able to do this or no, that won't work, you can't have that kind of job, etc."
By hook or crook, you have to evaluate your self talk. Why? Because self-talk is like a brain washing mechanism that you've come to believe. Why? Because our self-talk sounds like our own voice. We BELIEVE everything it tells us. Rest assured, anyone posting here has hours and hours of negative self-talk going on in their heads every day, almost imperceptable. But is that talk, the truth? If one is unwilling to question their own thoughts, motives and beliefs, they will be destined to a life of misery, suffering and torment.
The way out is to see your thoughts for what they are. To be able to question them and finally, substitute those thoughts with ones of your own choosing. Because most of the stuff we all think, began as someone else's thought. No one asked us if we would like to adopt a certain view of the world. That view of the world was in some sense, force upon us. If on the other hand, one decides not to choose new beliefs and thoughts, then at the very least, admit that you have a choice but you're unwilling to exercise it.
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great outlook!
Considering the self-help industry rakes in somewhere in the billions of dollars, one would question whether finding some post that may help a life as a "waste." Further, the fact that studies are revealing that about 75% of paperback self-help is not based on any credible evidence that it works, and 95% or more of internet self-help is probably not useful, it's worth mentioning the few things that do work.
Problems like those posted here are not external problems to be solved. You can't solve them because they don't exist "out there." No one would consciously choose the crappy lives written about here. On the other hand, once you become aware of your own repeating negative patterns, you do finally have to acknowledge that you play a major part in the events of your life.
Duh! Obvious? Yes, we say this is obvious stuff, but it is easy to move out of that negative space? Don't bank on it. You have to be willing to question your beliefs about every situation. Otherwise, rest assured what you're experiencing now will be the same thing a year from now or 10 years from now. Read about the simply REBT or Cognitive therapy. Nothing is easier to understand. . . yet harder to do.
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