LIFE SUCKS

A deprived dull life...

You will definitely cry when you hear my sorrowful story. I had a deprived childhood and extremely deprived teenhood and right now, I don't know how to live on with my life. I am only 15. Since young, even though I feel love from both my parents, I wasn't happy at all. I remember when I was in kindergarten, I was the only boy in class who would cry as I was very timid and must have the company of my parents. When I was put alone somewhere, I would be so afraid until I cry. Yeahh but the good thing is I am good looking. My face looks kinda cool but my character was timid. It contrasted a lot. My father looks very cool, together with his character and I look like him, except for the character. So since then, I have been an isolated kid. My childhood was playing with myself and sometimes with my cousin. I was very different from other kids when I was young and it all boils down to my grandma. She doesn't allow me to do anything cos in her eyes, I seemed like a pearl to her. Other kids of the same age or younger could go out to play, but I couldn't. This lasted until I was 13. In my primary school, I was in an all boy-school(sucks) but I was a kid, so it doesn't matter much to me. Because of me staying at home in my childhood and being an extremely good kid, I did well for my studies in primary school and went on to a prestigious high school. The reason why I wanted to do well was because I did not want to end up in an all-boy high school which is affliated from my primary school cos if I do badly for my studies, I am most likely ending up in such a school. I was a scholar in my primary school, 7th position in the whole school out of 400. Yeahh that was one proud moment I had. Because of that, I was a nerd and I look like one too because of my spectacle. From 7 to 12 years old, I know 0 girl. All my friends are guys. Yeah, cos I was a kid, it was alright for me. When I was 11 or 12, I had wonderful teenage dream. I thought of every single thing I could have with the girls after getting out of my sucky all boy primary school. However, I was pressured by my aunt to get to the "prestigious" school which I detested getting into because IT IS AN ALL BOY SCHOOL AGAIN!!! I insisted of not getting into that school and getting to a slightly lousier school, but she fking pressured me into that school, which terribly ruined my life. Whenever I wanted to put the school of my choice which is not that prestigious school, she would come knocking to my house door and talk to my parents to force me to the school which I hated so much. Up till now, I barely know any girls. I am seriously a cool looking guy, and since kindergarten, I have gotten some girlfriends. My good look is wasted. Seriously. I am feeling damn fked up. This is the last year of my high school already, I haven even know many girls. I don't have any close female friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I strongly believe it's because my aunt, she was from an all girl school last time, and she felt the same way as me, so she don't want to see other people in such a mixed school, having relationships and being in love. She's simply jealous. She wants to ruin my life. It made me regretted of scoring so high for my studies in primary school. I am a love-sick romantic guy and I bet with my life that if I am in a coed school, I would have gotten many girls, but my good-look is wasted, utterly. I could have a wonderful teenhood with many girlfriends, having lots of fun, meanwhile doing well for my studies, but right now, I feel like killing myself. I feel that life is meaningless. I already had quite a deprived childhood and my aunt came into my life and screw my teenhood. I got no life right now. I am 15 now, and i had the phobia of talking to girls. I mean when I talk to girls, they can sense that I am inexperienced in girls and they all shun me. My high school life is about doing lots of projects, doing homework, studying very hard, playing computer games and some sports with my guy friends. And I often admired those who are in a coed school when I was 13/14 but because I had never seen any girls in my primary school, I don't dare to approach them but if I am in a class with girls, things would have been different. I am seriously a handsome and cool looking guy but why is my life like this...why...My school is full of nerds...I feel that my life is just studying very hard from 1-24 years old without having any life or ups and downs, just studying everyday...get a good job and have 3 meals everyday. If that's so, I really wanna end my life right now!!!!!!!!! I feel so unworthy and I feel that my life is so unfair. Why...I am actually someone who can have a great teenhood and childhood, but why am I screwed up like this...WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am feeling so depressed. I scolded my aunt for that and she threatened to call the police. We met up to talk too and I could strongly sense that she wants me to choose that school purposely. Life isn't about studies and getting a good job. But why...why the fking hell did she do that to me????????? Perhaps in her eyes, it's all about studies and getting a good job, but for me, it isn't!!!!!! She's a bitch. And because of all these reasons, I am doing badly for my studies and I repeated a year in high school, getting looked down by my schoolmates. I have no mood to study at all and my parents just do not understand me. They even said that they want to throw me out of the house if I do not study well. My life sucks badly. Now, I haven even dated, had a girlfriend, never had sex, never had more than 20 female friends in my entire LIFE!!!!! And I am a highly potential flirter and I believe in true love...and it's gonna be the end of high school already and I am feeling that life is meaningless. I even messed up my house my destroying my furniture and shouting and I even wanted to jump down the building. My parents are just too lowly educated and stupid to understand me. I really want my aunt to die but I do not know how...I know that if she dies, it can really ease my pain and regrets...I feel that I have missed out so much in life and I know strongly that when I become an adult, I will be so unhappy when I see young couples and students from a coed school. Such a simple thing, yet so hard for me to get...My life sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dunno how I could live until old ripe age with such a regret, such sorrow and depression...I promise that I would only live until the age of 20 at the most...I do not want to live in this world with so much of unhappy things, It's such a torture.