So, I'm 16, a virgin and I've never even kissed a girl, but I don't care about that any more. Its not that I'm ugly (I'm no adonis mind, I'd be generic if it wasn't for my long hair that makes me stand out (where I live, there are not many guys with long hair)) but I have no confidence, due to years of bullying and torment. I have no real friends but a froup of acquaintances, who wouldn't care if i died, and would soon forget me. (I've only really known them about a month, before that I never really did much, since no one ever rwanted to do anything with me.) I used to go to school, but after my family basically fell apart, (they all hate me now, I wish I knew why, from what I have heard its something to do with my mum.) I was diagnosed with depression, and I couldn't face school, I felt everyone hated me, and were laughing at me. (This was year 9 so I was like... 14) so I stopped going. I wanted to go, but the minute I stepped out of the door, I would feel like everyone was glaring, regardless of wether there were people near or not. I basically did nothing, and stayed in the house for two years. The September after I turned 16, I applied for an animal management course at college (I love animals, and dream of getting payed to work with them, but sadly, I have 3 GCSE's one E and two D's, so decent job prospects are slim.) but sadly, after a few weeks, I missed a day, due to waking up at 3pm (my clock broke.) and I was kicked off the course, maybe the course director over-reacted, but its the past. After I was kicked off, I tried to commit suicide for the 5th time. I took all the pills in the house, including some heavy-duty ones, ones for M.S (my mum has it.) and several different hard hitting painkillers, one with fucking long names. All that happened was I vomited, and passed out in a pool of sick. The other times also failed. One, I tried to hang myself from my light, and the light broke (I was prettu muscly back then and I weighed like... 12-13 stone. There's probably more I could/should say, but fuck it. It felt good to vent. Thanks for reading (if you could be bothered.) | |
You sound like an intelligent guy. If you really want your life to be better. Follow these steps:
1) Stop worrying what other people think of you (if you keep on doing that, it'll drive you crazy, it's time that you tell people to eat your sh** and do what you think is right. What do you think of yourself? Evaluate yourself )
2) Surround yourself with positive people (The people you surround yourself with is how you will turn out. If you are positive, you will have a great life.)
3) Focus on your overall health and take care of yourself (Being healthy is being happy.Focus on yourself.)
4) Work hard to fulfill your dreams and goals (Achieving your aspirations in life will make you a happy person and people will respect you)
Thats it! I hope you get better. I know you will. I've where you are before. I'm very happy now. You will be too :D
BUT I do think you should cut your , crew cut style. Why?
Because I used t be like you at your age. Only later wen i was like ...18 I realized I was trying to hide myself from the world. Now about the depression thing... people were not luaghing at you because you were UGLY but because they could see you lacked of self confidence. I realized that when I got older.
I realized I liked sex with boys, and became much happier, not pressured to have a girl friend, I had sex when ever I wanted it, cuz there was always some boy who wanted his dick sucked, or to screw me. My daddy moved out not wanting a queer son, but mom and me got along better without him, cuz he was abusive.
I'm not saying gay is the way for you to go, or that my long hair had anything to do with my forced sex .... but if it wasn't for those events tied to a tiny penis, and hairless body till I was almost 19 .... I never would have found out that I like having sex with boys.
As for being a virgin.. are you kidding me? You're 16!!! Don't believe "your friends".. Just because they brag about having sex... chances are the most sex they ever had was with their right hand.
Speak to a counsellor although at the end of the day, only you will be able to sort your own issues and change how you perceive the world. Life does suck but it's better than death. Just don't take life too seriously. That's how I manage to make it.
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