LIFE SUCKS

fml

I turned 18 got a new boyfriend and sort of lost who I was. We're still together 3 years on, but as much as I love him, I resent him. He took away my freedom and independance. I gained 20kgs and I hate myself. I have lost all my friends. I have no life. When I do go out it's with his friend or his family. If I ask to go out I get a million questions about who Im going eith where im going what time will you be home and the nagging me to stay home, when ever I say no Im going out it's fuck off then, and he wont talk to me for ages unless I give him sex, I cant stand sex I hate it, I hate my body so much I feel like crying, I have the have the light off, then he gets shitty! Sex feels like a chore because he is constantly whinging at me for it. My only alone time is the 15mins I drive home from work. I have nothing of my own, I wouldnt have this computer, or a big screen tv or my dog or my car or even the my friend ( who is also his sister) or even my phone! I love that he's done all this for me and Im so greatful, but every time we fight he throws it back in my face, I want to give him something but I cant. I want to give him the kids that we want, but I cant even give him that, the one thing is this world that doesnt require payment but is priceless, Im incapable of giving him.

I spent my entire life with my gradfather being the father I wanted, he is everything to me. When I do somehting worng I dont think "oh shit whats mum going to think" I think " oh shit my pop is going to be so dissapointed in me"...and 1 week before my 21st I find out HE'S NOT MY BIOLOGICAL GRANDFATER!!!!

My life isnt as bad as it could be, but I dont know who I am. I hate myself and everysingle day I wake wishing I wouldn't.