LIFE SUCKS

F*ck it!

My life basically sucks because of the only people in the world that are meant to mean to most to me-my family.
I never got to meet one of my grandfathers, and the other grandfather cheated on my grandma, did drugs and abandoned the family, which crashed my life since I used to look up to him, and considered him one of the best people I knew in my life.
My dad, -the only male figure in my life- thinks I hate him, and is constantly yelling at me. He blames me for all the troubles in his life, and constantly tells me I'm the reason he and my mother fights all the time. He's the only person in my life that makes me practically cry a river. My mom yells at me too, and often tells me she only stays with my father because of me. So I'm the known reason for keeping a shitty and hate filled marriage running through many years.
Because of my family I suddenly feel like my life is going on an emotional spiral straight into the ground. I find myself crying everyday, and feeling like there's really nothing to live for.
I never get excited about anything anymore, either.
For that past three years I haven't been excited for any holidays, or even my own birthday.
Today is the start of 2011, it's suppose to be a fresh start. But already my dad has screamed at me and slammed doors in my face while blaming me for his life several times today. I've cried so much that can't cry anymore.
Sometimes I just want to scream f*ck it, and leave this stupid place I'm suppose to call a 'home'.
I know my life isn't as bad as other peoples, but I can't seem to smile anymore.