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Shitty

Posted by no one important at January 1, 2011
Tags: 2011 January  Relationship

I'm 24 and Married for a year and a half. I now realize that I am not at all sexually attracted to my wife anymore. I stay in good shape, and my wife is very attracted to me, but I cant even get it up when I look at her. We (successfully) have sex once a month. I usually make up reasons for not having sex with her, and then masturbate alone while looking at pornography. I keep this hidden from her as well.

My fear is that being honest will make things worse. So I just continue living this way. I feel guilty every second of every day.

Just a few thoughts from a failed husband and a failed man.


Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 01:09

My Advice is to get away and start anew as fast as possible. I'm 26 and have been married for 4 years now. It's been the worst time of my life. Now 2 kids in, I'm stuck. If I pull out now, I'm paying child support for 2 kids.


By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 03:19

well ive lived in a 8 year relationship with my now exhusband...i guess he felt like you when he finally had that affair, left me and our 2 girls for that fat ugly woman...i guess i was too beautiful and intelligent for him...i would advise you to walk away now. If you dont have any kids, that's better, get out while you can..if you do have kids, like the Mr 26 married for 4 years with 2 kids, better to leave while the kids are still young, as kids are none the wiser and will adapt. Its worse when the kids are older as they have shared memories of family life and they wont able to forget that and so that will scar them...how depressing...anyways, not one to give good advice, im in a bad situation myself..a boyfriend who doesnt really give a shit, single mum, 2 kids, no future...makes me think men are just asses.
By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 04:10

I totally agree !!
By anonymous at 21,Jan,11 03:53 Fold Up

Yes I agree!


By at 20,Jan,11 03:23

The logical question would be has she changed physically since you got married.

I married not a thin woman but she wasn't fat. She had long dark hair, and wore glasses that framed her pretty eyes.

Within three years, she gained like thirty pounds, cut her hair short, and began to wear contact lenses. It was like she was a different woman and not the woman I was attracted too, and married.

We already had a kid, and she brought kids from a prior marriage into our marriage, so I felt I needed to hang around, but I lost that attraction .... and after another year, I started to think about straying.

Due to being poorly hung, "Which she reminded me of regularly" the real alternative for me was men, and I wouldn't cheat on her with a guy, so we divorced.
By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 05:48

so are you saying you turned gay after your divorced?? your last paragraph stumped me...sorry...but re-read it a dozen times...just curious as to your answer.


By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 03:38

To you Mr No one Important and everyone else, here's a poem i wrote:

Dreams of old, hearts gone cold, the one you missed, never kissed, can't reach out, too late to shout, roaming blind, hard to find, never met, lost the bet, took that path, what a laugh, what would have been, can't be seen, so here you are, beneath that star, ball and chain in the rain, feel your pain, drenched in shame, yourself to blame...
By anonymous at 30,Jan,11 15:10

awesome !!!
By AwesomeFace at 16,Dec,12 14:39 Fold Up

That poem is awesome.


By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 07:49

Your wasting your life, and hers. Get out while you can. Im sure she doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with her, and how would it get worse if you told her? LEAVE!
By anonymous at 29,Jan,11 08:41

I agree!


By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 07:52

Just because you fell out of love with someone doesn't make you a failure.
Not doing something about it will. MOVE YOUR ARSE!
By anonymous at 21,Jan,11 02:31

Yup!!


By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 08:26

its better to hurt someone you love or loved with the truth than with a lie...before you decide to leave her....talk to her, give her the opportunity to understand your dilemma...perhaps you see her as just a house wife now and not that lover she once was when you first got married...a marriage takes hard work and dedication...you have to be open how you feel...you never know, if you tell her your problem with her, she might wake up to herself and realise she's just dropped her game a little cause she's married and settled...you never know, she might come out and be that vixen that sex kitten that'll recharge your sexual attraction towards her...just remember, it might be the case of its better the devil you know...my advice: TALK TO HER BEFORE YOU EVEN CONTEMPLATE ON LEAVING...you owe her that.
By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 08:38

and another thing...have you ever considered her feelings when all you say is "I" this and "I" that?? I think you have a bit of a big ego.."I stay in shape"...are you saying she doesn't? she's let herself go? well, be brutally honest with her...take her out and get her fat ugly ass out there so she can "stay in shape" as well...my guess is that you probably get looked at by other woman so your questioning if there's anything else better out there that's why your feeling this way and seeing your wife as "sexually unattractive"...my guess is that you think your too goodlooking to be with her...she doesnt deserve you...so you play this self pity crap to everyone...well for HELLS sake WAKE UP to yourself...YOU COMMITTED OVER A YEAR AGO and just cause you have SEXUAL PROBLEMS, you want to give up on her?!? I will remind you of your vows when you married her so, be a man and stick by them...if the wife doesnt lift her game after you have talked to her, tried improving your outlook on her, then by all means, GIVE UP, BUT YOU CANT JUST GIVE UP WITHOUT TRYING....Marriage isnt just a piece of paper and a ceremony with lots of friends and family, ITS A LIFETIME COMMITMENT...its only your dick and your ego, that can be fixed...sex her up dress her up whatever, change your bedroom setting...its all too easy for everyone to say LEAVE HER...it aint that easy...you quit on this marriage, you will quit easily on every other relationship after it, trust me...once a quitter, always a quitter...stick to your guns (your marriage) and work it out, you cant do it alone, do it with her, if it makes matters worse, so be it, be open about it, if she cant hack it, then yeh, what will be will be, but be honest with her and yourself...I hope you are able to follow that advice...truly all the best.


By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 11:38

Didn't read the posts above 2 many follow up comments but the decent thing to do would be to divorce and not give yourself or herself false hope before you might start cheating on her with others.


By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 21:10

Marriage is about more than sex.
By anonymous at 29,Jan,11 08:42

But sex is an important part.


By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 22:49

Yes, marriage is about way more than sex, it's about mental love and it's about being true. Be true to yourself first and than be true to your wife, tell her how you feel, you never know she might be feeling something too....Key is life is about finding happiness, sometimes marriages don't work for whatever the reason, but you have to find your peace and happiness in being true to your own heart. I am to in a horrible marriage, I hate my husband, but I am gonna make a change real soon....I am gonna follow my heart, you should follow yours too.


By anonymous at 21,Jan,11 02:29

Honesty is the best policy. The reason why people never do it is because it's difficult. If you are up for the challenge, be honest with your wife. Maybe, then she'd have a chance to work out, lose weight, or if it is just her face, why did you marry her in the first place? Either way, it's not fair for her to stay. If you love her, you would be honest with her.


By anonymous at 21,Jan,11 12:15

would you try , just try not to look at pornos enimore and not to let your imagination leed your sex life in your mind, but close the eyes and you will get mad in the beginning but at last, you will find the part in her that makes you attractive. and you will find more and more, you can save your maridge. I am also fighting with masturbation , and every time i think of it I say , thats not ok, i don't have to do thid, this is my body and not the body of some mysterious vision or picture , that is not true, I am not gonna let this delusions mock on me..... I will surwive not masturbating myself until I will have sex with my lover. I am a real man and I need reality, and you need it too.
By anonymous at 26,Jan,11 13:03

your a basket case and wouldnt listen to for money


By anonymous at 21,Jan,11 12:24

Stop being a selfish prick and leave this poor women to get on with her life and find a man that is attracted to her, she deserves better. It may hurt both of you at first but in the end its for the best...

Dont deny her a future and a family.. that goes for you too

Also my advise to you is not to jump into another relationship after you do leave your wife... youve got some things to work on and it would be better to do that alone...

Good luck chuck :)


By at 21,Jan,11 16:14

Hey Shitty,

i'm in a similar boat but im worse, i still find my wife attractive, i just do stupid shit behind her back. dont know why i guess im just selfish.

I just wanna know how your going with the guilt because i feel like a failed husband and failed man exactly the same

my e-mail is beast_84@hotmail.com and ill love to just see what you ended up doing or getting upto and has the guilt gone away

Im not nut just wanna see how
By anonymous at 22,Jan,11 05:28

please stop wasting your poor wifes life! your a selfish bastard just as you said and she deserves better and you know it!

Do the right thing!


By anonymous at 26,Jan,11 13:02

dude take pill make real or get the hell out and let one of us who can. you whiny little shit your gay thats it go find a dick you know you want to
By anonymous at 28,Jan,11 17:22

ı agree


By anonymous at 29,Jan,12 15:56

Do visit a therapist
and don't listen to that gay shit media trys to say.
and most importantly don't be afraid. if you have a problem, it is 2012 and there sure will be a solution for that.


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