LIFE SUCKS

My Story

My story...Well, I would say some people are much worse off than I am but, my situation is mentally draining, I suppose I should be happy with my life but I'm not...It's depressing.

The day I was born I was skinny as sh*t, I grew up skinny as sh*t, I grew up with my mother, very bad mother...No money, Job, Drunk all the time...Yells, Doesn't take responsibility for anything...Her boyfriends always tried to beat me, when I was around five I should even get up and take a piss in the middle of the night without getting slapped the hell out of, She would burn my hand on the stove whenever I'd do something "wrong" , I'd walk to school everyday happy I was leaving home, until I saw my grandmother out there looking at me crying...I stood at one corner of the street looking at her and she would look at me and I would whisper I can't talk to you, and that was because my mother wouldn't let me,I'd go to school, walk home and lock myself in my room for the rest of the day. that happened every day, I was fairly popular in school, everyone was to much of a wuss to stand against me, but of course, that was elementary. Couple years pass, same old routine...Walk to school, See my grandmother, Lie about the bruises to teachers, go home...No food, Starve. Another couple years pass, My mother dates a cop. Sounds like it'd be good right? I thanked god. He caught her with a knife to my neck one night pinned against the wall. Ahh, the relief I got. She was sent to jail for a couple weeks, the cop couldn't prove anything, but guess what. My grandmother took me :). But they did give custody to my grandmother also. So, life was good for awhile 2 years or so, She fed me like a mad women, I wish she hadn't, and this led to part 2. I was really over weight at age 11, not like REALLY BAD, but it was bad to the point where I felt left out and I felt like no one wanted to be around me or anything. So here comes the mentally draining part again. So time to start middle school... I'm all happy, I got a couple friends, We walk behind the school heading there, here comes this guy who thinks he's bad. 8th grade or so, he beats us up, we don't go down without a fight but what can we do? he had friends with him also. I'd walk to school everyday, and this kid would be there, doing everything possible to hurt us. And everytime I'd get in school, I was bullied. So same thing everyday, 6th grade passes. That summer I attempt to kill myself, I successfully hang myself in my mothers backyard, (Payback) I know it was wrong but I wanted her to feel the pain I felt. She catches me past out, not dead yet. I get rushed to the hospital, (DAMN) So I lived. You would think after all that my mother would be sad, Nope, on the car ride home she burns me with her cigarette. But anyway, I switch schools at 7th grade, I'm soooo overweight it's not funny. First day at the new school Im made fun of, no friends, bullied, it's like that for the rest of the year. 8th grade, I move back. I'm able to defend myself against anyone so no problems with that, but you know, this is where your appearance really starts to take an impact on your life alot, by eighth grade, I did slim down quite I bit, But I was still overwight, I had acne to deal with, All that,I still had my two friends there, and one of them by the time I came back was completely popular, so I was hanging with all the popular kids, so no more school problems thank god. Then, oh man. I meet a girl, it was my bestfriends cousin. I really didn't know till he told me. But Oh my god. She was beautiful, and it wasn't like I had a crush on her but we never talked. No dude. We talked, we started to get involved, We would hang out at eachothers house and stuff, Making out like all teenagers lol, By the way, I had lost my virginity at 10, I had this friend and he had a sister and we just fooled around a lot, we didn't know what we were doing but we did it anyway. But, Yeah me and the girl I was talking about got kind of serious, I'm a really sensitive guy by the way, (NOT GAY) Anyway, me and her never dated, we both knew we liked each other a lot but she couldn't deal with her family problems and everything and and be with me, I was always there for her no matter what, So months pass, Im still kinda overweight so it was hard to make friends, So I sticked with what I had. But me and her talked on the phone everynight, I basically gave my life to her, I ditched my friends for her everything, they got mad about that, So yeah we were always together. So, it was the fourth of july, we were at a park sitting on a tree, ( How romantic ) lol, I got to the point where I was like falling for her like actually, I didn't care much before, she was like a fwb to me but now I started to care for her alot, So that night she was laying in my arms and I was rubbing my fingers through her hair, I kiss her cheek, The fireworks go off I turn her head towards me and I whisper in her ear how I love her and blah blah, So I asked her out cause I needed the right moment you know what Im saying? lol. So Anyway we date, it's amazing...We had total trust in eachother. So one night we go to my cousin party he was throwing for new years, (We were together for about a year and a half by the way) So this was the next new years. Me and her get a little drunk, we go upstairs, You know what happens. We did about 3 rounds lol. I get up to piss, I wash my face off. I walk out, And here is my cousin. You know. So she was talking all dirty to him and I sat there and watched for a minute and I'm like. Okay, I go get a girl, I tell my friend to tell her I need her out back, She walks out back, I'm banging this girl, I'm big on revenge. Turns out, she goes home crying and whatnot, In the morning I call her, She dumps me. You saw that coming lol. And we talk about it. It was a big misunderstanding...There was two doors on the bathroom for each room to have one, I walked out the wrong door...I thought it was her...So I screwed us up on a mistake. I was depressed for months, I still am, it hasn't been long. I loved her. So everyday I sit in my room. No life, On a computer. I don't go outside unless it's to take the trash out, I have no contact with my friends nor anyone unless they live with me. I'm homeschooled online so I don't have to go to school. I've gained some weight, I'm on the road to recovery though, I go out and run every morning and I take care of myself more, and I don't eat as much. Hopefully by Feb I'm happy with my look and I can have a life again. Just everyone know there is always hope, A long journey starts with a single step. Anything is possible.