Its 4 AM and I just thought to myself, I know my life sucks, I've known that for a very long time, but is something wrong with me or the people and the world around me? I feel empty, disconnected from every single person I know. My family included. In fact, my family more than anyone else. They're so not me and I feel like I'm acting out. Just not giving it to their faces, a whole lot too. I have gone through several stages of this 'life sucking' period of my life. First I realised it, then I started to get frustrated, then I was going crazy, going completely mad, it was maddening to the very limit, then I tried to fix it by trying to blend with these people I felt disconnected with, and now, apparently for the last couple of months, I've become this person who doesn't have a care in the world, no matter how bad things are, and talk and respond to people EXACTLY what comes to my head, but diplomatically that is. And the frustration and maddening have gone, and I can actually feel 'happiness' these days even though I'm not really having anything to be happy about. Its true, I'm not sad anymore. I have no pleasure except completely being myself and doing whatever makes me happy every single day, whatever it may be and however it may seem to other people. My dad is the only person who calls me, I have no real friends except one guy I guess (well I do have a few friends, but just this one guy who I 'kinda' feel connected to), I sleep for 10-12 hours everyday, wake up, and all I do everyday is watch TV, and play video games. That is it. I don't go out of the house at all. Well, I'm 19 and I go to college right now, but I'm talking about what I do in the holidays. Or apart from college. Oh, and I also had a bad breakup with the love of my life 4 months ago who I'm still not over. And she, on the other hand, has completely moved on, lol. Well, that's it, I guess. This post is just so I can get some comments from people so I don't feel alone. Later. Oh, and I'm an Indian by the way. | |
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