LIFE SUCKS

POOR AND ALONE WITH NO HOPE IN SIGHT

Hi, my name is Nashon and my life sucks. Let's start from the beginning. I live in corrupt third world country in east Africa called Kenya. It's the only home I know. I'm the second child in a family of 5 children and the only son. My father died from respiratory failure when I was 11 or 12yrs old. He was an alcoholic and a chain smoker. I remember he once stole money from my mom's purse just to go drinking. My youngest sister was only 2yrs old when he died. My mom raised us pretty much on her own. She tried her best but when I was 16yrs old, she lost her job. We don't have unemployment benefits or food stamps in Kenya. We almost starved to death with no income. High school education isn't free either so my mom had to struggle really hard to put me and my sisters through high school with no help from our relatives. Right after I finished high school my mom had to sell the 3 bedroomed house we lived in just to keep us fed. We all moved into a little 2 bedroomed unfinished house with no plaster on the walls, no floor, no electricity and no windows. It was ever cold, dark and the wind blew right through. At least we had running water which we had to connect illegally although that mean't we had to watch out everyday for the council water guys. I think I did good in school. I was a B- student but it wasn't good enough for me to earn a scholarship and my mom couldn't afford to put me through college. My elder sister got lucky and got a job at a printing factory and at that point her tiny salary would keep us running. I used to think one day things would get better and I would earn a good degree and lift my family out of poverty and forget the past. I had dreams of studying in America. What african boy wouldn't? So I went ahead and applied for a bachelors of science degree in Computer Information Systems in Business Administration at Bellevue International University in Nebraska. And I got accepted! I cried my heart out for a full week when I realised it wouldn't happen because we were poor. Three months after that my mom got really sick and died after spending a week in the hospital. I was 21yrs old then. It has been 3yrs since. I now live alone in a remote town away from my sisters where I have a small job. I get paid about U$180 a month. What the fuck can you do with 180 dollars a month? I seem unable to get a better job because I have no college education. I've tried applying for better jobs unsuccessfully. My salary isn't obviously enough to put me through college. On top of that I grew around girls with no father figure so I have low self esteem and zero social skills. I think I'm not aggressive enough to be where I want to be. I blame myself for that. I don't know what I can do about it. I've never even had a real girlfriend. I'm fairly good looking and of good character but which girl would be crazy enough to go out with this poor african? Excuse me. Did I say, go out? I can't even afford to 'go out'. I have no real friends. I gave up going to church. I don't pray anymore. I often wish my live never happened. I began smoking a few months ago. Maybe I'll die from smoking like my dad. Like father like son. I'm tired of living in this country. I feel like I was born in the wrong part of the world. I have no direction in life. I can't save even a single coin. I can't get a loan from any bank. Three years after I was orphaned and I still miss my mom. We grew really close through all those hardships. I miss her alot. I dream about her often. I dream about her being alive, healthy and living a good life with us. I don't want to get close to anyone because I fear losing them like I lost my mom. I feel left out by people I used to call my friends because they seem to be doing fine, going to college and making a bright future for themselves. I feel left out like God has forgetten about me. Like I'm one of his failed experiments. If you think your life sucks, think again.