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How my life went from shit to worse

Posted by heartgoneblack at December 1, 2010
Tags: Bad Luck  Family  2010 November  Relationship

Im 25 years old now. Back in the day, I was the kid of an alcoholic mother and workaholic father. Neither of them understood me. My younger sister was always the favourite. She got the best presents and the most attention. I didn't realise just how much this was true until I recently decided to watch some old family videos. I was always told to "shut up" while my sister was left to play as they filmed her on the camcorder.

After years of arguing and abuse, my parents divorced. I was torn who to live with. Both parents were (and still are) quite unstable. My father remarried and inherited two kids (from his new wife's previous marriage) and to this day treats them better than us. My mother kicked me out at 16 and I was left to work and live by myself in a council flat in a rough area of town.

Pretty soon, I was working 12 hour days to try and support myself, cycling 5 miles to and back from work in the dark. Cooking, cleaning and fending for myself whilst the druggie neighbours screamed and played music till late at night keeping me up. For 6 months, I hardly slept. Eventually, I suffered a nervous breakdown. With nobody around to help, I would wander the streets, still a teenager, crying.

I would stop by the church and pray, book in to see the doctors to collect anti-depression and anxiety medication (which seldom worked) and all the while feel as if taking my own life would be the best way out. I began smoking and drinking to dull the pain of being 17, living alone, having little money, working all hours, having to fend for myself in a slummy district with no vehicle, family or friends around to support me. It was hell.

Eventually, I moved in with my grandmother. I was with her for a few years. She was kind to me and helped me find my feet. I still consider her to be my true mother figure. But even there, my quality of life was still poor.

Eventually, I joined the Army as a form of escape. I'm an intelligent lad, with a big heart and to this day I'm still not sure what possessed me to join up. But I stuck it out for 2 years before pulling out. I was smart enough to be an officer, but never graduated high school and I hated living in barracks among the uneducated hard-drinkers who would stay up all night. I barely slept.

After the Army, I got together with an American girl whom I had met a few years back on holiday in Egypt. After several meet-ups we decided to live together. After only 5 months in the US, we were married. I cared about her very much and could see a solid future together. Since she had her own place and decent job in the USA, I decided to do the gentlemanly thing and leave my life in the UK behind and join her in the US.

One year on, I am still here, earning barely half of what I did in the Army due to the lack of opportunities for non-US citizens. I spent most of my life savings on the wedding, honeymoon and immigration papers. And now my wife just dropped the bomb that she doesn't love me any more. Her career is more important to her than her husband.

Now after giving up my life in the UK, my life savings and my heart in the name of this woman, she is leaving me to pursue an unnamed job in Alaska.

What on Earth am I supposed to do?! What a crap life I have lived! I find myself, yet again with NOTHING.

Talk about bad luck.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
Hate's self August 2, 2010
i am definitely a peice of shit... December 8, 2011
i hate my fuking life kids and husband June 9, 2011
lost without a home July 1, 2012
my life gets Worse and worse March 18, 2011



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 16,Dec,10 19:29

You triumphed over adversity before, you can do it again. You should move to Canada where you will have more opportunities to get work. They have an agreement with the UK. I know it seems grim, but, you will pull through. Best of luck.


By anonymous at 18,Dec,10 00:59

WELL YOUR RESILIENT AND SMART.YOU HAVE MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE.GIRD UP YOUR LOINS,AS THE BIBLE WOULD SAY.


By anonymous at 25,Dec,10 03:07

life suk huh? and u swallow? hehehehehhe. fuk it dude. u got to beat all these fukin beach in this fuking world man. mtoehrukeruks uskeurkusufkuuer


By anonymous at 19,Feb,11 09:29

There is no agreement with Canada. If your papers are valid you hit the lottery. You got a US green card. People literally die for that. There is more opportunity in the US than anywhere else in the world. You're 25. Get some fucking stones and get a job.


By anonymous at 24,Mar,11 18:34

I believe in you man. I really do. Youre gonna make it someday. Mark my words.


By suba suba at 07,Nov,19 16:49

wKPbcY Thank you ever so for you blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.


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