My life sucks badly. I really have no life. What I'm about to tell, you'll probably find difficult to believe.
I lived a normal life till I was 16. Then I burned my face in the sun. My case has to be unique, cause it somehow changed the skin on my face. I mean some crap started to grow on it, like a second skin filled with lots of little black dots. Now I look crappy, like if I have an ugly mask on my face. I can reduce it with creams containing alpha & beta acid, but I was doing it for 6 years (now I'm 22) and I look slightly better. It wouldn't be a problem but there is this small issue. People stare. And laugh. I had normal life before this, had no problem with people, had many friends, girls liked me, some of them even wanted me. Now everything is lost. It's all been reduced to one friend, computer of which I'm bored, depression, pills. Everyday now I don't feel like doing anything. Nothing gives me any satisfaction. When I go for a walk I wear a cap and a hood so nobody can see me.
Everybody around me tells me it's in my head. When I hear my father or mother saying how handsome I am I don't know weather to cry or to laugh. I was sent to a hospital for psychos and they diagnosed that I suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I never believed I have it and still don't. Different people told me how I look so the doctors are just being polite.
Anyway, I have enough of this. I'm wondering how much time I have till I go crazy, kill myself or run out of money (parents won't live forever).
Maybe someone also had this kind of problem and knows how to treat it (except for going to a psychiatrist)? | |
But listen, at one time in your life, a very special person will come by, who will look past your face, and will see how beautiful you are inside.
Personally, I have have a very active social life and the truth is people are horrible. They will betray you, steal your things, beat you, tear your heart in half, torment you make you life unbearable. That mask might be a gift to keep scum away.
I recommend "Teachings of the Buddha" of Jack Kornfield. The book helps make this shit hole bearable.
And also, some parts of my hair drops a lot and now it's a strange form. Many friends laugh at it, I'm not angry at them because they are close,but actually I feel rather uncomfortable, and, most of all, lose great confidence on my appreance, even put my hat on in the classroom, all day long.
So, I guess your situation is much worse than, but similar as those who're very fat, disabled, can't see, speak, listen, walk, or all white hair or no arms no legs, or anything. How do they survive, how do they get rid of these sucking feels?just ignore? dont care? there might be many answers and stories to get over it, I guess.
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