I am 18, Male, a third kid in a upper-middle class suburb family, enrolled in a reasonably high school with reasonably good grades, reasonably popular and reasonably asthletic, I'm not like a big loser or anything, but I felt like one. Nobody ever appreciates my contributions, if it is positive, my parents, teacher, or sometimes even friends immediately credit somebody more worthwhile, like the brother less than a few months older than me or my superstar best friends, whenever I done something bad, however, they always blame me, perhaps because I look like somebody who'll do drugs and shoplifts(my dad thinks the same) even though I dispice such behaviors vehemently myself, besides, I was forced into a life almost too surreal and routine, like I'm not the one taking notes in class or talking to my friends, I'm never "me",I feel like somegoofy guy trying to pretend to be my brother, or my best friend. I got no control whatsoever over my grades, my sports, my friends, even how I walk around, it changes often, and I cannot control it, the only thing that is certain and "true" is the pain of failing. My parents are abusive I have to say, they do hit me often because I'm not my genius level brother, and that I'm the one always seen breaking stuff,and I look like a stoner, one time they punched me into casts, but the actual physical pains is not nearly as bad as never feel like myself, or living in fear of failure and having no control over it. | |
Fear of failure is much worse. Fear comes from lack of knowledge, not cowardice. I was afraid of snakes until I ran into a rattlesnake on a hike. The reptile was just sitting there sunning himself and minding his own business. Now I keep rattlesnakes as pets (something I do not recommend to others).
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