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why was a born

Posted by fucking worthless at November 14, 2010
Tags: Family  Juvenile problems  2010 November

I'm seventeen. My family is very dysfunctional and are always fighting.
My dad, step mom (who has brain damage from a car accident and is legally mentally retarded yet still allowed to punish me) (she has punished me for saying words she doesn't understand because she thought they were insults) and sister are always against me and say that I have an anger problem, depression, and an eating disorder. My sister calls me bipolar and a sociopath and tells me to commit suicide because she hates me more than anyone. She'll be talking completely normal, and calmly and then I'll inquire about something and she'll just flip a switch and go crazy. Today I asked her why she lied about me and she said "get the **** out I'm going to smash your skull in" and my dad said to ignore this and that it is normal. He says that I should be more mature than her. I do not think that she should get a free pass, she is 15. She is also very promiscuous and frequently goes out drinking and doing drugs.
My parents made me go to a psychologist and he said that I don't have ANY of those problems and I'm perfectly fine. I already knew this, because when I get mad I have legitimate reasons, everyone gets mad. I'm not depressed even though I should be. I deal with SO MUCH shit that anyone else would have gone crazy. I don't have an eating disorder, I never exercise (anorexics exercise like crazy) and I eat whatever I want, I KNOW I'm not fat.
When your own parents constantly say that you have mental problems it really gets to you.
My dad never listens to me, I have different beliefs than most people, I'm Atheist and I don't believe morals exist
He tells me to shut up until I have something normal to say.
The psychologist said I spend a lot of time thinking and that I have a lot on my plate and I should keep seeing him. Obviously, he is bias because if I keep seeing him he gets paid.
I really don't want to keep going there because I feel like he doesn't take me seriously and is very patronizing. I have no idea how to deal with this.
I'd live with my mom but I haven't talked to her in years because she lives with her abusive, alcoholic boyfriend who calls me a ***** and a **********. I get in trouble if I don't clean up after him and say "HI!" every time he walks through the door, and don't get me started on if I don't immediately stop watching television as soon as he enters. He is an extremely large trucker/biker and he acts like a baby. He is manipulative and me and my mother have had to leave the house in the middle of the night and sleep at her work because of him. Yet apparently, their relationship is more important than her CHILDREN because I told her to choose and you can guess who she chose... the "man" who calls her c*nt.
I'm not suicidal like my family thinks, I just wish I was never born because its been nothing but torment and tribulations. I've been nothing but a burden to EVERYONE and i have NOTHING.
I have no REAL friends and all I do is sit in my room in the basement and go on the computer or read. I hangout with some Christians sometimes but I feel so disconnected from them because of their religion and I feel like they're only friends with me out of pity.
Only one person has ever loved me, my best and only friend but I haven't seen her since this past summer, when i visited, because I moved more than 4000 miles away, four years ago, and we hardly ever talk anymore and she is in an abusive relationship too.
Those are the only relationships I ever see and I'm scared that I'm going to end up being in one. My only living grandmother is also in one.
I know "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" but I feel like that is only true if you overcome it, and I don't know how to overcome this.
When I was 9 my parents divorced and when I was 10 my mom moved in with her boyfriend and left me and my 8 years old sister in the dump of a house by ourselves. I was always out on the streets, drinking alcohol, shoplifting and smoking and i got arrested when I was 13. I cut myself a lot back then. A lot of my friends have OD'd on cocaine or meth and committed suicide. I basically raised myself, and I didn't do that great of a job.. I've been homeless, stealing food to survive. Life has never giving me a leg up. I'm not even attractive or smart.
I moved when I was 14. I've never had a relationship and will probably end up in an abusive one, the cycle will continue. I may as well off myself now.
I try to get an education and get a job but I'm seventeen and I don't even have my learners permit. I apply to jobs constantly but I never get called back. I get C's in school. I'm a fucking loser and a waste of life.


Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 29,Nov,10 05:38

dude


By anonymous at 29,Nov,10 05:58

i'll tell you something i learnt in jail ... my life was as u see , a complete mess . ive hurt ppl n family all around me . i let everybody down especially me. and one day i saw a graffiti writing on the wall that said .. DONT GIVE UP HOPE EXPLORE THE WORLD . and i did , i started a new life . somewhere i belonged ...earth . life is shit most of the time .. but dont let that ever put u down... b fkn strong and do whats right god loves you . believe in the secret.com it worked 4 me ... most of it . give it a try . BELIEVE my friend.


By Z at 29,Nov,10 16:16

life is a bitch...If you want everything to work out you need to simply leave your old life and escape from your "family" (i wouldnt call them that though, no offense.) its shit for me too, i have no family, of friends, no job, no hope of a job! people near me have sent 1000s of applications but there are no jobs. Least i have my dog!


By anonymous at 30,Nov,10 13:55

wow


By Discount OEM Software at 08,Mar,12 22:07

LcuruG Appreciate you sharing, great article. Keep writing.


New Comment