Yes, I'd like a supersized cosmic slap in the face. Thank you life. I hate my life right now so bad I don't even know where to begin. I'll start with I'm a single parent of two special needs children, one of which has mild autism, adhd, odd, and ocd. The other has adhd. My hands have been full for almost 12 years. When my oldest was nearing 3 is when I noticed he was not like other children his age, so I took him to the doctor. I put him in daycare to socialize. I found a developmental specialist. And put him in speech therapy and behavior management. The doctor said he suspected autism for a while but was unable to tell me that until I brought it up. And so started my plan to fix him while he was young so he would have a much more normal life as an adult. My husband lived with blinders on and refused to beleive anything was wrong with his child and that he needed "his ass beat off" to make him "act right". Then little by little we drifted apart. I needed his support and he decided to just not come home till bed time or untill he was good and ready. For a year. And during this time we had our second child. I was on the internet or on the phone when he did come home because at least they talked back. Then I didnt bother to get off anymore cause the silence and the hurt was too much to deal with. His whole family was against me. His mother said I was going to make my son into a "drug addicted retard". And his grandmother's made alot of comments like "well I'm gald he is doing better in school now, he didn't know his own name till he was 4". Not caring that autistic children don't look at you or talk to you when you speak to them. I went to the IEP meetings at the school, by myself, and the doctors, by myself, and the testing, by myself, and an autism support group, by myself. I was home all day with the kids, by myself, I was always by myself. Then, 3 yrs later, I had enough. And I hardly knew the man who lived in my house. And he was very angry. So I left him. I still loved him and it hurt like nothing in this world, but I felt I couldn't watch my son be punished for things he couldn't help anymore. And he wasn't going to accept, understand, or try to learn, we didn't need to be in the same house. Well we married because we were completely in love and that love never went away it was just put aside. As a couple we were awsome. As parents of children with special needs, we sucked. Ok, so we went for a divorce and ended up with a legal separation. I have been in another state close to my family for the last 4 yrs. He finally came to grips with the fact our son does have problems and won't be normal no matter what we last year. And we have been sort of working on a reconcilliation. So I thought. Then nature takes a shot at me. A flood came thrashing through my neighborhood. So I lost my car and my house. Last year I had to quit my job, because of my oldest and not having a family member or a daycare who could take him, since he is bigger than me now and is hitting puberty. Not that that didn't come with it's own problems. Now I'm homeless and carless, and broke. My husband decides he wants a divorce. And tells me how he doesn't want me to come back, but he does, but he doesnt' want to feel guilty anymore for whore chasing and that it was my fault that he was cause if I had came home sooner he wouldnt' be. And then turns around the next day and asks me, "well, what are we gonna do about this." (after I made a call to my lawyer) And I realize this is another scare tactic to get me to come home. He said that to make me want to right now. Like I hadn't thought about it. One of the reasons I didn't was to not make him feel like he had to put me back together because I was a mess. And my neighbors homes were worse than mine and the kids were traumatized. And I have had non stop phone calls, and I don't know what I'm doing except trying to keep the kids on some kind of routine and staying with my grandmother in her one bedroom house. And still trying to help with school, make and keep appts. Get the kids new stuff they need. Making sure everyone has meds, glasses, ect. And I get an utimatum. Right now. And I can't help feeling completely pissed off that he wasn't here to help with anything now or way back when, and I'm supposed to do all the work and prove my love for him. And go back to him blaming me for everything he has ever done and I have ever done. And I'm so confused, I dont' know if I'm coming or going. And I'm so hurt and angry I just wanna beat him up, but he is way bigger and meaner than me, and could potentially be hazardous to my health. lol. And all with no car and no money. | |
New Comment