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A life of depression and hopelessness

Posted by Zoe at October 4, 2010
Tags: Health  Job  Money  2010 October

I suffer from depression. I take medication for it but that barely scratches the surface. For a long time I had a job that I really liked, but my boss retired and closed the business. I got another similar job which meant relocating halfway across the country. It was a financial strain to get here but I just managed it. I paid to get all my furniture and belongings, and my cats, I found a place to live, signed a 12 month lease. Then my new boss decided that I wasn't suitable for the job after all, even though it was essentially the same job I had been doing for more than ten years. What a bitch! Nothing I did was right, she picked at me all the time and the powers-that-be took her side. I swear to God that I did nothing major wrong, just the usual mistakes anyone makes learning a new job, but she jumped on everything and totally destroyed my confidence.

By being in the right place at the right time I had a succession of casual & part-time jobs for a few months, including being a supermarket checkout chick for a few weeks. Standing up all day is too much for someone my age, I couldn't handle it.

I have finally managed to get a fulltime permanent job with a bank. Only problem is, I hate it! Who gives a fuck about bank accounts, not me. I hate having to sell people something I don't believe in and that they don't really need. I go to work to earn money to pay the rent so I can have somewhere to live while I go to work to pay the rent....

Now I have to move house. My landlord's son is moving here and needs the house to live in. So I'm househunting, which is hard when I don't have a car and have to rely on the charity of relatives to take me to open houses.

That's another issue. I was always too scared to get my driver's licence when I was younger, and now I couldn't afford a car even if I had a licence. It's buses or taxis if I want to go anywhere, which means I can't just pop places if I want to.

Both my parents are dead. I have siblngs, but they regard me as the black sheep, the family loser, even though they don't say it, I feel it in their dealings with me. Actually, one of my brothers referred to me as the family charity case just the other day. The only thing that keeps me going is my cat.You may think that sounds pathetic, but it is nice to have something that loves me unconditionally. It's the first time in my life that has happened.

I have a sort of plan to sort out my life. I need to find a decent place to live, get someone to share with me to help with the rent, find a better paid job that I like, pay off my huge credit car debt (debt that I built up moving across the country and expected to be able to pay back from my new well-paid job, what a fucking joke), pay back debts owed to family members, get my licence and a car, and get a job transfer back to the coast and out of this shithole of a city. I'm pretty sure it will all go wrong, though, things usually do.

They say money doesn't buy happiness but when you don't have if, it buys a lot of misery. I get so pissed off when I hear about people earning millions of dollars or having companies worth billions when I struggle along from pay to pay. It all seems so pointlessn and hopeless. I don't know how much longer I can stand it.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
I shouldn't even feel like this November 20, 2011
tired of living June 22, 2012
Hopelessness February 5, 2011
Alone July 1, 2012
GOD UNDERSTANDS AND CARES! THERE IS HOPE! February 11, 2011



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 07,Oct,10 07:35

You're a slave to money then you die.


By anonymous at 07,Oct,10 12:08

I get so pissed off when I hear about people earning some money whatsoever when I struggle along from garbage can to garbage can, see its relative, be happy that ur working at a bank and not on the streets.
By anonymous at 17,Oct,10 02:45

Amen to that brother. There are way too many fat, spoiled people in this country. We all need a wake up call. I want to invite you as a guest at wwww.lifebyphil.com. I want to get posts from people who have seen the dark side of life.


By anonymous at 08,Oct,10 11:20

be grateful you have a job. Many people don't have a job and it's hard to find one in this time. It's good you have people helping you, think of it as a blessing. you can repay them later, but you have to sort out your life first. you'll get that apartment you need. Just don't give up. Having a pet is also like therapy and does have some healing to the mind. and pray to God if you believe in him, but I don't know if you believe just giving you some stuff for you do. It can help, you never know.


By anonymous at 08,Oct,10 11:27

For your depression... medications can help but they have alot of side effects and you can be resistant to them over time. I suggest using alternative and natural remedies for depression. like omega 3 fatty acids found in nuts and fish. Magnesium, iron, potassium. don't diet it can affect your mood if your not taking enough calories. You need more carbohydrates. No caffeine and alcohol.Your nutrition can affect your mood even making you depressed so make sure you get your vitamins especially your vitamin B's. basil. oatmeal. there are herbs you can use but You shouldn't use them while you are taking antidepressant medications.


By check out these guys! at 16,Oct,13 09:49

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By take a look at it! at 24,Oct,13 20:09

M2z6VY Awesome blog article.Thanks Again. Much obliged.


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