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hell

Posted by whatdoyoucare at September 29, 2010
Tags: Addictions  Drugs  2010 September

My childhood never happened as far as I'm concerned. Not because it sucked, at least it doesn't feel like it did. I don't remember it. I have not one fond memory from it, just little flashes here and there of faces...

I got addicted to drugs and now I'm insane. I see spiders crawling all over my walls, big hairy things.... My vision is obstructed by a tv static like overlay from my fried brain, and I have only nightmares when I go to sleep... Just to name a few. Nobody knows about this except for my counselor, whom could care less. I look high all the time, even though I never am anymore. Been clean for awhile now, don't remember how long. Hell I don't even remember what I had for dinner last night.

I want to get high, to escape from this... But I can't because I fucked up my body from all the chemicals. Heart doesn't work right, I had a heart attack a year ago. Enlarged prostate at age 20 and everytime I have alcohol it will help with my insanity, but it will leave me with chest pains and depression/ anxiety for 2 days after that is jut not worth the 45 minute drunk buzz.

To top it all off, I live on this shithole of a planet. That lacks any sort of humanity it once had, so I have to deal with assholes day in and day out that just make it all so much worse. I hate people, hate my siblings, hate god, hate everything for my own protection. If I was around people it would hurt me too much. So I spend my days alone, just existing...



Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 07,Oct,10 15:55

try some kratom. It will help you out. i get my from entheofarm. It put me back on the right path.


By anonymous at 17,Oct,10 03:03

Hey, What Do You Care. I don't know why I care but I do. There are hundreds of posts on this thing and I wish I could reach them all. I want you to know that you are a creation of God. No matter how high you are or look He cares. I just know you don't think so. I feel the same way as well. But please come visit us at this site: www.lifebyphil.com. I want you to know you have friends that do care about you. Your real life struggles are valuable to other people. Hope to hear from you.
Phil
By anonymous at 12,Dec,10 02:03

NOT ANOTHER GOD FREAK!! FUCK!


By Jason at 21,Oct,10 00:59

Woa that's cool someone above mentioned kratom! I am also into ethnobotanicals and kratom is really the best thing I've found that reversed those problems we both seem to have. You and I have a lot in common. Our realities are all different though and we can change them overnight with some life-changing epiphanies. For me, it was finding kratom and kava and alternating or mixing them at certain times. It took that haze off my perception of everything. Oh yeah, also kratom and kava satisfy cravings for things we normally have an addictive personality towards. Whether it's hydrocodone or sweets, this stuff stabilizes you and makes you feel at peace. 1tsp of kratom is all I take in the morning and I'm good all day. Make sure to avoid the "extracts" because some are not kratom at all and can cause tolerance issues. Kratom alone will not cause you to gain tolerance unless you take it multiple times a day. I've been taking it for over 3 years at 1tsp with the same result - nothing can beat that :D


By anonymous at 18,Nov,10 03:59

hey, i know you did lsd. so, long term effects are similar to schizophrenia. you must find a doctor to prescribe anti-psychotics for the residue of the acid left in your spinal cord. the trips will fade with time. i know this because someone i know has the same problem. just lay off the halucinogens, okay? just get some anti-psychotics. look at all the stars of the 60s? yeah, they all still have "flashbacks" and stuff. but after a while, they will fade. my friends' faded. don't worry. it'll get better with time.


By anonymous at 11,Jan,11 21:28

The effects of the drugs will fade with time. Find something you don't hate and drill that into your mind.


By sgtdwsug at 12,Mar,13 22:03

crrkhhnj


By ogzgizfu at 26,Mar,13 06:05

qsvbln


By Keisha at 15,May,17 01:33

I don’t want kids, but this still is hopeful for me. Because I am 25 and I feel like I’m letting opieitunptros slip by, that already I am getting too old to start doing something important or meaningful. But I know really that is not true, ludicrous even, if I don’t want it to be.


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