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Selling my soul

Posted by anonymous_polish_girl at September 26, 2010
Tags: Juvenile problems  2010 September

I hate my college. I want go to a different one but everyone tells me I should finish this one, and to suck it up.
No one is asking me what I want.
I had good grades all my life, I've been a great daughter and a loving child.

I lost a dear friend 'cause she ignored me completely when she turned adolescent. She hurt me bad right before that without even looking back. I was a really supportive friend for her in junior high and high-school.

I never kissed, I never had a boyfriend. Every time I loved anyone they were in a relationship (one just got married) or weren't interested in me. The only guys who were into me were always freaks.

Even to this day I wish I had seduced someone who was in a long-term relationship. I never found anyone who was better to my taste than my first high-school crush.

My mother left her highly paying job and set up her own company which is barely functioning and she doesn't have the spirit or energy to make it work better. My dad's a BIG looser and didn't step-up so my brother and I had it harder because of our mom's decision. None of them really know me or who I am even if we talk a lot - I mostly listen and entertain them with chat or small-talk.

The pressure I feel now made me think about suicide every other day in the past month.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 01,Oct,10 18:47

Do what you want to do as a career. Who cares what people say. As long as it makes you happy. You'll find the right one for you. Don't try to get t someone who is in a long term relationship. That's just dumb trying to steal other peoples husband or boyfriend. you know, if they leave their girlfriend they will eventually get bored with you and leave you also and find someone that pleases him. Karma does that to people and sometimes it's just common sense. If you have a boyfriend will you think about cheating? So don't be like that even though you are desperate. Think of it as saving your first kiss for that special someone. He will come, just wait.


By anonymous at 01,Oct,10 23:18

Quit fucking complaining your lifes not that bad the only bad part is that you don't like your collage. I never knew my dad and my mom's not that wealthy. I never really had friends and I've never been in a relationship. Shit you have no reason to think of suicide. I've thought of suicide only a few times when I was in middle school and in the beginning of high school not because my life sucked but because I felt that those I knew would be better off without me... I'm just saying you have a good life
By anonymous_polish_girl at 02,Oct,10 13:22

Thanks for making me feel even worse.
I never said I had the biggest problems in the world - you can never say that after reading some of the entries on this site about homeless people etc. - they are very typical when you reach some age, it's just they've been weighing on me badly these past few months.

I'm constantly reminded how little I have achieved in my life by my parents and to suck it up and finish that "wonderful" college they helped me get into.


By Adobe OEM Software at 09,Mar,12 02:00

gJnKSf I am so grateful for your blog.Really looking forward to read more. Great.


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