Okay the deal is, there are three girls (I'm a guy, 19 years), used to be my best friends... one was my very best friend (let's call her "S", 20 years) I gotta know in school several years ago... another one was her best female friend (let's call her "A", 20 years as well), whom I fell in love with and we had some kind of affair but it didn't work out for a serious relationship... and the third is the girlfriend of my brother (let's call her "C" 22 years) and she is like a sister to me... Well the last 10 month or so my whole life began to wrap around the three girls... we hung out together so often, we shared almost everything, had our fights now and then.... Under usual circumstances it's not that bad, but you see they are more or less my life... they mean everything to me... well at least they did...
You have to know that I can (or could) trust "C" with anything... So I told her when I fell in love with "A". However "C" was a little mad at "A" for some other reasons which do not belong to this... Well however I didn't fell like I got the support I was used to (this may sound selfish) from her... Like she didn't care or anything. It hurt me but well. I guess at some point I started to get on her nerves... later C and A became friends again and everything was fine but the last days C was more and more unfriendly towards me... Sure we always tease each other from time to time but this time it felt different... I felt hurt by her again.. and we had some arguing which went worse and right now we are completely broken up... during summer however, A and me had a little "affair"... well we slept with each other and she certainly knew of my feelings. But she did not want a relationship... Well nothing major happened after that, we tried to be just friends but endet up kissing and snuggling etc... But this isn't going to work out as a relationship and it's breaking my heart... Meanwhile my supposed "best female friend" "S" is being quite a two-faced turd... She is always like "oh we are so good friends" etc but besides she never shows anything like it she either completely ignores me when I need her or... well just read:
Three days ago C, A and S met... We usually met all four but they oviously didn't want me to be them with their that evening. No problem with that so far... but when C started that day to write on all her accounts (similar to MySpace and Facebook etc) in her away messages "I am SO looking foward to tonight" I was starting to get pissed because this was oviously a shot at me. Who else should read it? They certainly chatted via ICQ where she could have told them... Well but S really made it even worse... she writes in ICQ "hey, I gonna meet C and A today this is gonna be soooo great!" (just like "oh and you arent with us today, sucker!")... I hate this...
It' wouldn't be such a bad thing if I hadn't make the mistake to make myself so dependant of them... They are (or were) EVERYTHING for me... Being with them is/was so great, best time of my life you know... And know I'm feeling like they just cut me off.. As if I wasn't needed or wanted anymore. I just feel like shit and I neither wanna see or talk to them anymore, the terrible dispute I had with C where I told her I was done with her even makes it even worse. I know this all sounds "not so bad" but I just feel... betrayed or something like that... And A started studying and is going to move away from here so this is fucked up to... broken heart, lost my two best friends who felt like they were my life... To make It even worse I just had an operation and still have to recover for 3 more weeks so no chance to get any distraction... I am so stucked here and miss them so badly but I do not want to return to them because I am tired of getting deceived or hurt by them... I so do not know what I have to do. I know there are people who are in a far worse situation but without them my life just feels like shit... And with them it does as well. | |
i hope things got better for you
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