LIFE SUCKS

r u kidding me!?

I'm only 21 and I've already realized that life is only chaotic suckiness. I was hoping for a few more years of ignorant bliss. I just want to tell my life story for you on a page.

I went to a boarding school in high school for smart kids that was so difficult and stressful that it sapped my of the energy and motivation to succeed at college. I went to school freshman year, out-of-state, and got so depressed I had to come back in-state for sophomore year. I am gay, but on top of that I don't identify as male or female (genderless, I know, wierd), so I feel isolated from everyone. That school was full of homophobic "Christian" D-bags, so I dropped out in my second semester to just find a job. Of course the economy sucks, so I started at a community college in the summer. Still really depressed, I dropped out halfway thru in July b/c I just couldn't deal with the work required. I now live with my parents who are conservative Christians who just sweep the fact that I'm gay under the rug (because they'll never admit that I embarrass them), and my dad constantly makes me do outdoor chores because that is what guys are supposed to do. I am a pathological liar at this point: in college, I had a boyfriend for months and my parents don't have a clue, and they think I am taking a full load at the community college right now when I'm not taking any. That is a bombshell I'll have to drop here pretty soon. My parents just think I'm lazy; well, I'm sorry that I don't think hard work and praying to our "benevolent" god will bring me fulfillment. Oh, and my beautiful, talented, godly sister will marry a godly gender-typical guy that likely will gradually replace me as my father's son figure.

I just think everyone around me are total idiots for buying into pointless societal requirements and fitting into what they are expected to be. I'll never have children as they will be ill-equipped for a life that sucks the joy out of you around age 10, and I would rather them not exist than have to deal with it like I do. My life experience has led me to reject the Christian god, because what all-good, all-powerful God would honestly allow 9/11 or Katrina to occur, or to lead his followers to write that who I am naturally is an abomination. No one has ever given me a real reason why--Just pathetic, papery justifications. I hate the possible "God" for giving me these burdens to struggle underneath in my life. Perhaps the worst part is that I don't have the guts to ever commit suicide. I just hope I'll catch a disease eventually that will take me.
LIFE SUCKS THE BIG ONE