Well, I'm going to be starting my third week of my second year of college soon. What do I have to show, nothing. I have no friends and this three day weekend is killing me! I made "friends" last year but they don't really talk to me anymore. Last year, they (three girls)lived across the hall from me and we became close. When doing our room selections for next year, I kept hinting we could live in a quad. But, they ignored me. The one, that's name her Jessica, was complaining about if they try to get this quad (two rooms with a bathroom in between the rooms) they would have to have one random roommate. I'm standing there saying "Well, I can me your 4th roommate." Right when I said that she turned a deaf ear and changed the subject. They never told it to my face, but I know they didn't want me to room with them for some reason. So, they got a triple and I was put on the waiting list for a room. Finally, I got my room, it was in the same resident hall as they were. I was pretty happy about this because we could see each other often. Well, that's not the case... They never invite me to do anything! No dinners, no movie nights, no working out, no nothing! I've invited them to do a lot stuff this year like watch a movie, eat, or just talk. But, they are either not there or already eaten or studying or too tired. It's really frustrating and making me depress.
They live on the first floor and I live on the second floor. I've been in their room about five times and I always go to them to ask if they want to do anything. Not once have they ever came to my room or even show the slight interest in seeing it. A good example of them not wanting to include me is last night(friday). Well, I'm in a triple as well. My two other roommates like going out and getting drunk, but I don't so I don't like being in the room when they are preparing to do this. So I grab some microwavable food and go downstairs. First I knock on their door to see if they want to go eat; no one's there, big surprise... So I go in the kitchen and make my food and eat it. I head to the TV room where I hear someone watching something but I go in anyway because maybe they will let me watch with them. Well, to my surprise my so called "friends" were in their having a great time. They ordered pizza and were laughing their heads off at the movie. This really pissed me off but I pretend that it didn't hurt me.
I'm good at pretend I'm not hurt. But, I cry everyday and I feel more and more depress with my situation of having no friends, no fun, and no life. I've tried going to school clubs to meet new people but 1. I'm really shy 2. People are jerks and they don't talk to me when I make the effort of talking to them. One club meeting I went to, I went up to a group of people and introduced myself, they completely ignored me. Is there something wrong with me!? I think about this all the time that I just have an aura that tells people to keep away from me. :(
I guess I'm meant to be a loner. To be honest, I like being alone but not for this long. I hate it! I hate everyday of it. I don't want to get up in the morning because I think "what's the use? I have nothing." I hate my life! | |
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