I am ugly, fat, and look like a monster. I have a spouse who havent taken me on a date ever, dont set the mood, not romantic. I have two teenage sons and they feel because i am fat lonely sad and always in the house that i need to make friends to get out. Its been so many years since i felt love in my life and heart. I cant even throw my fat ass at no one because they dont want my smelly ass. I set up late night watching tv wishing someone loved me like they loved the character in the movie. I tried going to the club by myself for motivation but nobody talked to me. I just stood there by myself and really didnt have enough money to get a shot. My tits hang to my stomach and the fat from my stomach covers my private and my calfs are fat full of water retention that i cant wear certain shoes. I trie to look pretty sometimes but nothing looks good on me. I dont have anyone to talk to in my family and i do not have a social life. I lost my job and im supporting everyone with my unemployment checks. I can't barely pay the bills which i am behing in the phone, cable, and PGE. I am trying to move but i have no money to relocate to a cheaper city in CALIFORNIA. I feel that no one loves me and they all look at me with discust. It seem like I cant make my boys happy they seem like there never satisfied. I never had help I always had to do things on my own. I wonder what it feels like to be loved, cerest, lust after. I trying to loose wait but no one here gives me any motivation or support, when there in need to turn to me and I always have to be the strong person. Sometimes I WANT to take the easy way out. My mother use to beat me, humiliate me in front of guest having everyone laughing at me. She treat me like shit, I had to raise myself and I dont understand why I am living this life of misery, this life was mistaken for me. I am a big fat saly chubby face monster. I am a looser and failure with no existing talent. I'M A WASTE to human air. So tired of crying, everyone is sleep and my feet itch from being crusted.