I'm torn between wanting to be a religious or an everyday married person with kids. My time is running out as I get older. I know it doesn't sound too bad but it is. I have an amazing ability to see the pain in other people especially married people or people with children or sexually active people. I can appreciate the horror of the situation, so if I choose marriage and kids and I encounter sadness and hardship and grief, I will only have myself to blame because I knew all along that it would be. On the other hand I cannot be smug about the fact that I am celebate. The dawning truth is that one day sooner or later I will dry up, my biological clock will wither and I will face the reality that I will never have children in this world. I will never know intimacy with one of the many potential spouses I have met on my journey. There are times when I seriously ask God why I was ever conceived.
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