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Similar Entries: Life sucks. Period May 14, 2010 grrr March 31, 2010 ugh December 28, 2011 never get what you want, life is just one kucked up game. May 17, 2009 it still sucks August 10, 2011 New Comment Comments: | ||||||||||
You have my sympathy for growing up without a mom or a dad.
That must have been very hard for you, and I'm sure it still is. You sound like you hate yourself because you say your too skinny and too ugly..The truth is, Until you learn to like yourself, your fucked...I'm not going to tell you to just be happy for being alive..That would be stupid..Life is cruel and dark and unforgiving. I am going to say that when life gives you hell, give it hell back. As far as not having any friends, Be your own best friend..I don't have any friends anymore, so that's what I do. If people don't like you for who you are, then fuck'em. they're not worth your time. Sometimes I want it all to just end...Sometimes I want to die too..but, then I remember that I want to be there for the good times..9 out of 10 things in life does suck..I keep going for the 1 outta 10. Maybe by now your thinking i'm an idiot,or a dumbass or whatever..Maybe I am..I just hope you don't give up even though you might have every reason to..Believe it or not, There are things worth living for..Be strong and keep your chin up.
One of these days you'll be 18 and be forced to make decisions- be around the kind of people who you know will make you worse off, of either be around better people, or don't be around anybody and work out your own faults.
sometimes the latter is more likely. Then, you can at least first identify and write out the ways you think to yourself and make yourself stop to toxic ones. It starts by doing something dorky like when you catch yourself thinking "Ugh, I just SUCK at EVERYTHING!" and realizing you think that, and following it with something like... "unicorns fart effing rainbows."
You can't possibly take everything so hard or seriously if you do stuff like that.
then it will be easier to really sit down and comb through how you DONT want to be, and make things less about unicorns and rainbows, and more about "I shouldn't be self centered. I should do my best-and I havent yet. I shouldnt hurt people, even though I can. I might have a certain life or surroundings, but I dont have to be *like* it. I dont *want* to be like my life. I dont *have* to be like my life. if I can choose to think about unicorns shizzing rainbows, then I can choose to act appropriately, as well. " It HAS to be something you PRACTICE as a way of life, on purpose. Other people might have a surrounding that is encouraging ect- but it sounds like you dont. So you have to make your insides, your thoughts that you CAN control, small things you CAN choose, become your encouragement. Peace is not having a nice, calm surroundings. Peace is being calm, surrounded by anything.
When you become that, you wont think you are so ugly anymore.
A lot of people say "well I dont know HOW to do that." I swear, start with something, anything, crapping butterflies and rainbows- AS SOON as you realize you are thinking something really negative. You simply CANT take everything so seriously if you do that. It can put distance between you and the crap you are thinking about. Once the distance comes, you can objectively think about what things you like and dislike about yourself- and first try to change how you think about them, and at the same time change or resist your actionable impulses. Practice discipline and respect first- understanding will come later.
and the understanding might be as simple as "I dont want to be that." who knows.
anyways. Hope you've enjoyed the novel. >.
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