LIFE SUCKS

Engagement is off

I had been dating this guy for over a year, was engaged about 2 months ago. I had past serious relationships before to the point of proposal from the boyfriends. However, I could not accept their proposals because as hard as I try, I could not 'click' with them. And so, unfortunately, I had to turn them down and end the relationship.
Now back to the current boyfriend, who I finally truly fell in love with. We are so similar in many ways and he was someone I really could imagine being with for the rest of my life like no other. We started out as good friends and quickly fold into a serious relationship (I guess we should have waited a little longer in the friend phase, huh?). We both enter this relationship with hope and our flaws--he was a former marine who still deals with PTSD and I came from an abusive environment. We both accepted our flaws, tried to compromise where it fails, but because his past was much more severe (how about seeing your cousin die in front of you during combat?), he has a lot of social issues when it comes to communicating his emotions to others.
Last night, what happened truly took the cake. Despite a number of promises that he felt to keep with me before, he understood how important it is to keep our sex life private from our friends and others. During a conversation between him and his friend, who was discussing how the boyfriend does not take no for an answer lightly, the boyfriend responded with: yeap I don't take no for an answer, you can ask [Cheese]. When she kept saying no to me and I still cummed in her, ha ha ha." At this time, I was present along with other friends who were beside them. All of us heard what he said, all of us stayed quiet. I was speechless.
He apologized and realized that he did wrong. But the thing is, he had put me in uncomfortable and embarrassing positions in front of his friends, like telling his buddies why he is not going because of me. I broke the engagement but not the relationship yet. And to be honest, breaking that relationship is not far off either...
This hurts a lot. I really loved him and I felt so disappointed in myself for ever trusting him and trying to accept his flaws and apologies when he repeats the same mistake anyway.
People kept telling me that I'll find better, I'll be in love again. Right, let's be realistic about it, shall we? I want a man who has some intelligence, be considerate/respectful for his woman, and not be a financial burden (I helped my 1st ex with every financial need, because I thought that's what I was supposed to do as a girlfriend). I don't want to bring my past luggage and bs into new relationships and I expect the new boyfriend the same. But even if you do I am willing to be patient and work with that and find a way to move forward. I don't want any drama, just a close-to-normal relationship where we both contribute as equal as possible financially, emotionally, and just have a good time being together and not have to feel scared of when he will use me as scapegoats for his own bullshit. I'm not even that big on physical looks, I'm a petite girl, and I dated boyfriends ranging from 200 lbs to as skin and bones. You don't have to be a doctor, an astronaut, or even work a fast-food (I dated a boyfriend who was a manager in KFC). I don't care as long as you do what you got to do to take care of things just as I will on my end. Is this too high of a standard?? If I can't even find a guy like this, then I am better off alone than to settle with someone I don't love.