I am actually past the point of caring whether how my story "rates." Bottom line is it's the worst I've experienced up to this point. My story started out with a lot of promise. I was born into a suburban, middle-class family. My early years were rainbows and butterflies. All good things must come to an end I guess. The turning point would be when my two older brothers starting molesting me. It started at about 7 and continued on until I was about 11. I never felt like I could tell my mother because she experienced something similar and I was afraid of how hard she would take it. I just wanted to keep the peace. At age 10 my Dad was paralyzed in a car accident and the family dynamic changed dramatically. Things stayed the same as always between my dad and I. Most of our conversations are awkward and impersonal, and if they do get personal it leads to argument. My mother has taken care of my for roughly 20 years minus one week. She is trying to cope with debilitating depression. The kind where you don't leave the house, don't answer the phone, only want to sleep, etc. etc. I battled with depression with some remissions here and there. I hit 15 and things were looking up. I was in night school because I was ostracized in school in conjunction with being horribly insecure and socially awkward. Ended up dropping out because I was going to be failed due to the fact I didn't have a computer to complete my final essay for my class. Failure was easy at this point because it's all I was ever able to do. Fell in love hard and got pregnant at 16. The father was just generally unsupportive in every way so I did what I had to to carry that relationship as well as raising my son with little to no help. Had a good job, my own place, and felt for the first time that life was a gift. Then my son started having major issues. Socially and behaviorally. What we now know was ADHD and Asperger's.. We've tried a plethora of medications in conjunction with multiple therapies, suggested parental techniques, but he is still not at the level of self-sufficiency that allows him to be left alone, do school work independently, participate in sports, etc. So I went on Family medical leave to try and help him. I had to resign my position because he required more attention and family comes first. Moved out of state and back in with mom and dad. Shortly after that, my 7 year relationship with my son's father ended. He found a teenage Latina to cheat on me with and left me for her. Now I am in a relationship with someone I don't think I'm compatible with. But whatever. It'll fail too eventually. I am socially inept, severely depressed, overweight, and basically just doing my best to maintain for my son. It's hard to get out of bed. It's hard to leave the house. It's hard to enjoy anything at all. I've lost my friends because I don't want to talk or see anyone most of the time. I try to explain it in a way they can understand but they don't. How can you explain what you don't fully understand yourself? | |
Same with herpies....
Or being a Republican voter
But do not despair at this fact because you are in the position to make things better. Being in depression does not help the situation. You need to be strong n pick yourself up. LOVE yourself. U hv a child to take care n the situation seems worse. If u would look around there are people in the society who r willing to help. U need to seek help be it for emotional and financial support. Talk to people. Find solutions. It mAy be a tedious road but that is the deal in life. We suffer and through suffering it makes us stronger people. We all have what it takes to get out of difficult situations and make things better. There is no other better time than NOW.
Help yourself n your child because if you don't it will only slide backwars more. I hope u gain the inner strength n wisdom to do so. All the best. From: sunseeker
I do hope that lfe gets better for you at some point & even if you don't feel happiness, I am sure you would find some peace and come to terms with your ghosts.
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