Do any of you know what Huntington's disease is? No? It's a disease that effects the neurons in the brain and can lead to many different things, including symptoms associated with dimentia, sucidical tendencies, and a whole lot of other shit that you can look up. In short, not good. The disease is passed down through families, chances being if one parent has it, the children of that parent will have a 50% chance of also contracting the disease. My grandmother had it. I think I met her twice...maybe three times in my whole life. I was pretty young the first time I met her. No older than 11 or 12 maybe. She needed constant medical care and so had been admitted into a special home to attend to her needs. My only memory is of her lying down on a bed, unable to move, unable to form any sounds other that those you might associate with a newborn baby. Gargles and noises with no meaning. This is what I have to watch my family become. My father, my brother, and my sister. I'm the only one who doesn't have it. And it makes me feel so guilty. Why am I any different? Why am I the one that is now expected to live for them as well? They always tell me to enjoy life, do my best, succeed for them. And whilst I'm struggling with all the pressure, I get to watch them destroy themselves with the knowledge of what they'll become. They all turned to drugs. My father, who is now 53, is right in the middle of the symptoms really taking effect. He's lost his mind. He believes his mother was the queen of Russia, and his father was a bandit and they fell in love and had him. He tried to burn down the house with him already inside of it. I haven't seen him in 2 years. I think he's in a home somewhere like grandma was. My brother and sister have visited him, and tell me not to because apparently I don't want to see him how he is. Last year, both my brother and my sister had a kid each. Both boys, and they now we all have to wait years until they turn 18 to see if they too have the disease. It affects 1 in 10000 I think the statistics were. Funny, I've known 5. Dad, uncle, grandma, brother and sister. Not me though. I should feel good, I don't have to go through all of that, but I do get to lose half of my family. Slowly, I'll have to watch them decay into vegetables. Maybe they won't though, maybe they'll commmit suicide. Not having the disease, isn't any better than having it. | |
I can sympathize with what you are going through- as I have dealt with many patients with dementia. Unfortunately, there is not a cure, but there have been major break-through's thanks to finally decoding human DNA. Who knows, there may be a cure in your life-time? In anycase, I agree with the poster above, don't lose yourself! Yes, you are lucky. And that's ok! You are fortunate not to have contracted the disease, but please don't feel guilt about it! If anything, it could be a sign from the UNIVERSE that you are meant to become an advocate against the disease? I understand the pressure and pain that you are dealing with, but there is in my opinion, a reason for everything that happens to us in life. Whether it makes you or breaks you- it really is up to YOU to overcome the misfortunes that stand in your way- And I hate to say it, but dementia as terrible as it may seem, the person that has it, literally has no idea what is going on! It's like they are living in their own "world" made up inside their mind. Only people that are conscious feel the pain- (family members)and they are completely in "la la land".
Talk to a therapist if you can afford to-
Visit with family members and draw strength from the fact that you are a survivor- and a fighter!
Many hugs sent to you my friend-
Cursed
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