LIFE SUCKS

inside my head

hello, i read a few of these and half of them i dont beleve. here is my story
my life sucks i have no friends at all i never have in school i was always pickd on made fun of my mom in a whore and a drugy i remeber everynight she had a new man in her bed while my dad was away working all week he would come home on the weekends only and he would drink and party do drugs and lock us kids out side most of the time. at the age of 16 i got my 1st BF i met him when his faimly moved in across the street he was rollerblading our eyes met and it was love at 1st sight and i thought my life was turning around but he raped me after it was over i forgave him and stayd wit him cuz it was fault anyway i shoulda just had sex i feel as tho now sex is no big deal i lived a very shelted life i didnt even know about condoms i was never allowed computer time back then and i never talkd to anyone so i was alone he was a light in the dark then i found out i was prego he claimd he thought i was on the pipll and thats why i never complaind about not usen a condom but i didnt know what it was. he told my dad over the phone one night about it my dad was pissed being that i was under 18 my dad was respondsabe for my medical bills he didnt beleve in welfare either so i had no insurence of anykind never been to the docter before that moment in my life so my dad had a solution he went to a friend of his named richard and offerd me to him he gave my dad around 5k for my hand in marriage my dad gave me a choice either i marry him or he punches me in the gut and kills the child i didnt want this child to die becuz of me so i married him. i had a little girl i named Hailie her real dad i never saw again after he calld my dad that night the man i was married to was ok at 1st till the baby was born then he got very violent he raped me almost everynight i wasnt allowed to leave the house or use the phone he set me up a small closet he made me live in i confinced him to let me have a computer and the internet i lived in that closet for 5 years untill i met someone online he said he could help me we fell in love he moved me from VT to WA i get SSI now and lilfe still sucks i have no money to do anything we live in a shitty APT my daughter is age 7 now and shes been acting out alot i feel as tho i faild her i just want to give her the life i never had i still to this day have no friends and i am very afraid of people i was hosptialised once for suicide but not for long i was out in a week i dont talk to any of my faimly members havent for years they probly think my ex murderd me and they dont care i have 3 older sisters and a younger brother growin up my sisters werent there they lived wit there real dads my brother tho he was my moms pride and joy all she ever wanted was a boy so i was negelted he got everything he ever wanted and i had nothing i dont blame him tho its not his fault my mom loves penises i just wish life would give me a break resently i have been dignoised with split personaltys which explains alot i have big gaps in my memory i want to be normal everyone treats me like a freak even my BF he moved me out here to help me but i feel im gettin worst i dont know what to do life sucks then ya die thats all there is to it things wouldnt be so bad if ew werent so poor so we could have a decent place to live and ahailie some toys to play wit my life is going nowhere i am 25 years old my daughter is soon to be 8 and i have nothing to show for my life im a noone nooone knows me or cares about me or my daughter its so hard some times i just wish i had a friend