LIFE SUCKS

What am I doing wrong?

I'm 34 years old. I have the most wonderful loving son. I put my time and effort to become a good mother. I work and to feel in the holes in the time I got left - I workout. It seems I shouldn't have any time left to feel alone but I do. I don't know how to deal with this . I hate myself for being so weak and letting emotions take over me. I get angry every time I'm trying to analyze what am I doing wrong.
I was taught to concentrate on bigger better things. And the rest will come when the time is right. But when will it be? How long should I wait?
I don't have any friends because I don't know how to make them. I was raised with" Don't trust anyone. They're all lying and using you ".
Since I was a child I wanted so bad to be accepted and be likable. I could never achieve that.
My efforts are a waste of time because I can't fit in among others. I'm considered antisocial.
I don't like games people play and I don't want to be hurt anymore. I wish I could just become a heartless person.