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Good luck.

Posted by JD at May 16, 2012
Tags: Life Story  2012 May

I lived a very carefree childhood. Being the eldest child I took responsibility with open arms and I wanted to impress my parents and make them proud. I was a terrific sports player, with good grades at school. My mother would always tell me how smart my dad was and that I must have inherited his genius, so I always set out to impress him. Even to this day he remains unimpressed with my learning abilities even though I've surpassed him in mathematics and physics. I was a born leader, all of my friends looked up to me and I really cared about them too. Even though they weren't the most popular kids, I defended them from other classmates and made sure that they weren't picked on. I was forced to leave them when I moved away. It was like restarting somewhere else and it was great. My mother was less protective of me, and my father was as carefree as ever. We had a huge house with a lake and a dog. When the recession hit us hard, we started to struggle. I woke up thanksgiving day to the police knocking at my door. My father ran into my room shouting that my mother was crazy. I didn't know what was going on, all i knew was that things weren't going to be the same. My parents separated when I was 14 years old. I was old enough to understand, but I was still hurt by what was going on. Since then my father changed, while my mother remained to be caring and nurturing. I had to stay strong for my younger sister, and so I didn't cry. MY dad started to grow distant from me and my sister, he was changing and I couldn't understand why. Whenever I went to his apartment there was weird things I would see. Posters of half naked men in his room, and books on homosexuality. A year later I found out that my parents got divorced because my father was actually gay.

I changed too at that point. I became quiet, sad, and shy. I was no longer a leader but a scared nerdy kid who just wanted his old dad back. I looked up to him so much, and now he turned into some sort of complete stranger. It got to the point where I was scared to give him a hug or even stay in his house. Me and my sister were actually scared of him. We felt like we were sleeping in a strangers home and hated it. I moved again about four more times at this stage. I took up a lot of hobbies too. I started to disconnect with video games, guitar, and skating. I never told anyone about my dad, but I feel like its still affecting me. My mother has been diagnosed with depression for the past five years. I'm nineteen years old now and I hated seeing her suffer because of my father. She worked herself to sleep every night trying to do the best she could for me and my sister. Her mom passed away last year and it only made things worse. I got a job to help her with the bills but was forced to quit when it was hurting my grades in college. In the past five years I felt like Ive had the worst luck. Even with my outstanding 5.4 GPA in high school I was not accepted to any university and was forced to go to a community college. I graduated number 26 out of 700 students and saw others go to better schools than me . I lost confidence in myself. I never had a relationship with a female, and I don't know how to talk to them. I just have a handful of friends who don;t mind getting drunk with me and play video games. I crashed my car in the first week I started driving and totaled it. Things have been a mess ever since my parents got divorced.

I recently started to realize that I can blame the things that happened to me in the past. You just have to take control of life and hope you lead it in the right direction. I'm still not the person I want to be, or the person I used to be but I hope that some day I'll be that person again. They say that the last part of the storm is the roughest, and things eventually started to light up. I saved up a lot of money and graduated from the community college a year early. I started to talk to more people, be more sociable again - and others seem to like me too. I still have trouble with girls because I can't seem to say the what they want to hear. I haven't really found a girl that I'd want to get serious with, but I hope that I do. If anyone out there reading this has had trouble like this in the past or in the present, just know that you can only count on yourself. You can't blame people for changing you or for making you miserable - you have to take responsibility for your own life.


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New Comment

By Karen at 16,May,12 13:02

The reason behind your apathy amongst the opposite sex could be because secretly you are also 'queer' just like your dad? And you refuse to acknowledge it as you're ashamed of what people may think about you and scare 'em away? Sounds like you need to search within yourself and see what you may find. If you truely are gay, accept it. Homosexuality isn't bad at all. Good luck.
By anonymous at 16,May,12 20:05

The guy above me is a fucking idiot. Anyway, good luck with getting your life together! We all need to learn how to take control of our lives. Once again good luck.
By Karen at 17,May,12 04:18

Are you gay too like the person below? Gawd, we are surrounded by Homos today. I say, bust out of the ole closet and embrace homosexuality. Come clean, FAGGOT!
Good Luck.

By anonymous at 17,May,12 00:07

I agree that the person who is assuming you may be gay yourself is just ridiculous and lost the whole meaning of your words. Don't start thinking this. You have enough on your mind and this "gay" thing is NOT your issue it's your dads. It is unfortunate that your father couldn't seek help or talk to someone prior to marriage and a family. I am sorry that he hurt your mother, you and your sister. It's a hard thing to take when the life you knew with your dad, was filled with lies. I am sure he loves you and always did. He just didn't know how to deal with his own demons. I don't think he having photo's of half naked men and books on homosexuality when you and your sis came to visit was should not have found out this was selfish of him. You should find someone to speak the meantime, keep your head up high, find some self help books and have a life to live too.... so be happy and take control of your own happiness and try to forget the pain your dad has caused. It is what it is....and you can't turn back the clock or change a person to be who you want them to be or need them to be. Make your own life and learn from his mistakes and hopefully one day you can start a family of your own and continue to choose to be happy....
By Karen at 17,May,12 04:08

He's gay..Enough said.
By anonymous at 18,May,12 09:27

Karen, shut the hell up. This would be no differnt if his father was a straight sexual addict. You're not helping with anything. Pushing that the father simply being gay, as if it's the only thing and only variable that matters in which had led to this, demeans the complexity of what JD and his family had to go through. It doesn't matter that he had lied, entered a relationship created on commitment and had children he never seemed to have cared about *based on JD's point of view from here.* but it matters more on his sexual preference? Get out from the cave you live in, you hater. By the way, I'm a straight, collegebound female. Goodness, I can only wonder what YOU must be.

By Cursed at 18,May,12 11:44

Dear JD-
You're dad is a jerk. Not because he's gay, but because he didn't show you the support and love that you deserve. Boys need their dads. It's unfortunate that many parents are just not good at "parenting". But, like you stated, you can't let your parent's divorce get in the way of your own happiness. Accept your dad for his choice in life and move forward. Don't worry about girls. They will come when it's time- focus on you. Focus on your future, your career, on becoming an independent young man. Congratulations on graduating from college! Early no less! Don't be decieved about not attending an "ivy" league school. It's over-rated. What you do with your schooling is what matters. Keep striving to be the best you can be-
Good luck-

By anonymous at 19,May,12 06:46

My advice for you is to contact the for help,my friend was having similar issues like your but the spiritual doctor told him what to do and were the problems were from,all he did is buy some item which he demand for cleanse. And today the demons has gone far away from him and all blessing are coming in,he just delivered 2 child,he is the answer to your problems,just contact him for your help.
By Scammer in the house at 19,May,12 17:02

freemercy the scammer in the house..give me money.....con...

By kenivrow at 05,Sep,12 10:24

Hi views, I have a boyfriend I just met late in May 2012. I love him a lot, da only challenge was that he is currently unemployed. it was that help me get him a job.

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