I have always felt good about myself, people have always complimented me about my looks and smiled. Though being myself i truly hate the person inside me, sometimes i think if i was not born with looks would life treat me better? Having good looks is not something i like having. I seek the advances of body modification in the future to fix this problem i have, i have so many lies so many secrets and a life with mental thoughts swirling inside my head.
To many times i come along certain people who seem to have a great persona well at least that is what i see at first. Yet though people only use me for my looks and play with my emotions at times i cry because i want to find someone who does not look at me just for my looks, i want someone to fall in love with me for what i have to offer inside.
I am not your typical good looking type of guy i have secrets i sometimes turn to online dating sites and make a fool of myself posting ads for sex to feel the need to fill in the emotions i do not share with someone true. I have probably had allot of sex more than the average person my age and its something gross i live with. I am only 18 and sometimes i just think to myself why was i chosen to look this way and face this path. I have been contacting plastic surgeons to help me out with my problem and i have been turning into tattooing and all these other type of surgery's and complicated procedures to change my face to change my body to change the way people will look at me.
Aside with just posting ads for sex i also exploit myself not treating myself and loving myself. I have no dignity no respect for myself and no kind feeling for what i go threw making vids with gay porn studios. I go to sleep threw out most of days starving myself having thoughts of suicide come and go and i cry to the point where my chest starts to ache and hit me with pain, i am killing myself slowly day by day and i just wish this just a dream. I don't make allot of money so exposing myself is what i depend on aside with filling the loss of love i cant find. | |
New Comment
Comments:
|
|
|
Working in the porn industry would suck the life out of anyone. Get out. Seriously, what are you gonna do at forty? fifty? Maybe, you might get another ten years out of exposing yourself on film???? But the "work" your doing is why you feel so bad. It's demeaning, shallow, and unfulfilling. Change your job- improve your life. You're blessed with looks, do something that has more substance. Get into sales. They love beautiful people. Take acting classes. Become a weatherman. Anything but porn...
Good luck-
Cursed
New Comment