I had a hard life growing up, constant verbal and physical abuse growing up at the hands of my siblings. over summer when we went to stay with our dad he was a dysfunctional predatory person who is pretty much batshit crazy, he devoted much of his energy to terrorizing us. I'm a complete social failure.. I am afraid to go outside, afraid to be around the general public, in my mind im just a piece of shit to them, whenever i walk close to people talking i huff and puff and breath really loudly just in case they are talking shit about me i hope by doing this i can muffle the sound, I have lost grip with reality at times in my life, and now the shame and humiliation is to much for me to cope with. between the abuse and lonliness i am emotionally devastated and its been that way since my early childhood memories. Its shocking to me how quickly time is passing me by virtually unchanged, im 21 now and i just sit alone at home year after year with no hope of a better life. I have mental problems that wont go away. | |
Does the bat shit crazy trickle down through the family? Because I happen to enjoy associating with such people. These mental problems you speak of, have you looked into getting help? From my experience, the anxiety, anger, and bitterness from being abused doesn't just "magically" go away. Nope. You're going to have to face those demons at some point and get rid of em. Whether it's sorting them out on your own, or going to a good therapist, the issues need to be dealt with-
You've got every right to be happy! Why not do something about it? Talk to someone honey, I promise you'll feel better-
Cursed
Keep us posted-
Cursed
I've never been good enough or healthy enough to foster meaningfull relationships. only chaos and distrust.
nobody. and all the more wretched i am that i can wallow in dispair and self pity that i have such appreciation in my spirit. its not enough to see that others are beautiful, magnificent. when the mind is always busy casting shadows and appreciation of a memory a feeling still leaves the soul empty and cold.
lost in my own head it is not fair, when some people can be clear, can speak with their heart all day every day my mind is a labyrinth through which the words "no" travel at length to reach me from others, such length that my sincerity got lost along the way out.
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