So to start things off, I'm feeling really bad right now. I never really had a "great" childhood, although my mother did everything she could for me and my brother. My dad who had weekend custody would often leave us waiting to be picked up. I'm not sure how this has subconsciously effected me as i was young. As I grew up through middle school I was a loner, outcast, weirdo, etc. I never really had many friends. I did what I could to get by though and stayed with the neighborhood kids who all hung out together.
In high school I was still a loner, I pretty much was known as my brothers little brother. So everyone knew me from him. I knew nobody really cared about me or wanted to talk to me I was just sortve there. But in high school I got into drugs and feel out of touch with most of my friends as I had to repeat my junior year, to this year I rarely talk to my "friends" from high school.
Lately, I feel like such a loser, like nobody wants anything to do with me. I'm not good enough for anyone. I never kissed a girl before in my 22 years of life. And about 2 years ago I finally found a girl that gave me the attention I finally felt truly happy. I loved her but she turned out to be a phony and walked away due to the distance, found a new boyfriend and wants basically nothing to do with me. I was honestly happy all through my younger years without knowing love and what not. Now I just feel so lonely, no real friends, all i do is drink, the girl i love wants nothing to do with me, any girls I talk to just friendzone me, I just don't know where to turn.
I often just want to commit suicide just to get it over with since I can't really focus on anything anymore. I work on aircraft and the only thing that I take pride in is my work but when I'm at work and there's nothing to do I just get a blank stare and angry when thoughts run through my head that everyone asks me whats wrong. I dont mind it right now I know I can make it better now but I just don't know where it's going to go in the future. I fear I'll be forever alone, and never get over this girl and just constantly beat myself up over it. | |
REMEMBER emotions are temporary even if they last for days, weeks, or even months. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. I also have suicidal thoughts, but always remind myself about the people it would effect very negatively if I were to do so, which means it would be a selfish act.
You gotta humble yourself. Follow your bliss. And bliss isn't in drugs.
Basically, everyone has their struggle(s). We have to convert struggles into triumphs!
You're good-hearted, but your mind is kinda cloudy. When the mind and the heart are good, then we can become more triumphant.
Cheers bro. I'm pounding a brew, packing some bowls, watching NBA Playoffs! I'm a Lakers fan! I'll blaze one up for ya, and send out a lil prayer, too.
Disregard the third comment you got. One person cares about you, at least.
One Deep
Jesus loves you.
I'm not American or British so please excuse my language if i can't make myself too clear. I just want to tell you that indeed life sucks. Not my life or your life, but life in general just sucks. And there's nothing we can do about it. It just sucks. I've become aware of this truth recently, and no matter what others will tell me, I will keep thinking this way about life. Great talking to you
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