Yeah you might call this a first word problems post. I am 23, I have an existence, and I will likely get qualifications to mantain it. Hooray, I can vegetate. Like a fucking goldfish. Or a rock. I am as important to other people as a fucking rock. I am going nowhere. The people I meet look through me. If I ever build some kind of relationship it breaks. I have never had a girlfriend. I have never been loved. I have never been hugged. Never. I have never been looked in the eye and told from the heart that I matter. That my life life matters, that anything I do matter at all. I travel alone, I eat alone, I sleep alone, and my best text message-buddy is Vodafone.
I was raised religiously, I was at pshychologists, I tried to make other people understand 1 percent of my life but nothing and noone can tell anything that will change anything. I think I know most of the self-motivational bullshit that only helps normal people to get through temporary bad moods and that probably some of you strangers reading this post will comment. But I am not normal, I am a freak.
I tried. And failed. Basically trying and failing is what I've been doing for 23 years. If I take one look at the result of my efforts I could cry. It is now quite logical to deduce that if trying results in failure, then I might as well give the fuck up. | |
You're still young. Just try lots of new stuff. Maybe something will start clicking.
I am so sorry to hear that you have never been hugged. That is tragic. Touch is really important, and the feeling of isolation you must have, that would make anyone feel depressed... I think that you have to be more pro-active about coming into contact with people. Get a massage. Join a club or volunteer someplace. If you're not making an effort to put yourself out there, then nothing will happen. I wish there was more that I could say to make you feel better, but when it all boils down, the only way things will change for you is if you make it happen...
Here is a cyber hug sent to you my friend-
Be strong, things can get better, it's all up to you!
Cursed
I was sent to live in a foreign country when I was only 14. Because of the cultural and language barrier, I went through a phase like yours during my teenage years.
you have to make a change. Change the environment if you can and start new. Be yourself. How to relate to people can only be learnt from experience. No two persons can do it the same way because we are all different. Looks, wavelength, background, personality all make a difference. But I overcame it so can you.
I'm not the most sophisticated nor am I the most attractive person there is. I'm immature and full of flaws. I cannot get along with a lot of people. I'm the kind of person who shows my true feeling on my face. Very apparent. I was told I wear angry face all the time. And yet I have a lot of true friends. I recently got laid off and a few of them come forward to help me.
you got to be yourself and be truthful to people you meet. Overtime people will notice and be your friends. It is slow I know. But Once you click with the first person you will gain a little bit more confidence and experience. Confidence is a vibe that will attract people.
the truth is you never know who you gonna meet next. You sometimes make friends in the most unexpected places.
when interacting with other people, don't always put your self interest first and foremost. Play fair and decent.. Don't be a fake person.
I made a couple of good friends under circumstances like this. It wasn't even intentional.
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